Aurora Lights
by WhiteHorse-x
Summary: After her encounter with Laurent, Bella is suddenly thrust into the life she once longed for. Now she has to come to terms with her existence and learn to live safely. But without the Cullens there to guide her, who will Bella turn to for help? ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1 Transformation

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms. Stephenie Meyer.**

**First things first, here's everything I would have put in my summary if computer programming hadn't included the ability to limit word allowance:**

_What would happen if one thing changed? If a close-call had been more than close? What if the story suddenly took a different path, and this time there's no going back? After her encounter with Laurent in the meadow Bella is suddenly thrust into the life she once longed for. Now she has to come to terms with her existence and learn to live safely. But without the Cullens there to guide her, who will Bella turn to for help? And what happens when she discovers that the worst hasn't happened yet?_

**Personally, I don't think it's that bad a summary. Slightly dramatic, but let's face it, nearly everyone who writes **_**"Am crap at summaries, please read anyway!"**_** is just trying to snag some extra hits regardless of a crappy plot. So here goes my story! Starting from half-way through Bella's conversation with Laurent, and rated T so that no one shoots me, this is.... AURORA LIGHTS! **_**Dum dum dum.......**_

**Enjoy ;)**

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**Chapter 1 - Transformation**

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I stared wide-eyed at Laurent, frozen to the spot. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid as to expose myself like this, on a pointless quest for something that was lost forever. I could barely breathe. In my mind I could hear the velvet voice from my hallucinations, his growls increasing in volume. The sound echoed faintly in my thoughts, and it took me a few seconds to realise Laurent was speaking again.

"Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella." He shot a friendly grin at me "I didn't come to _this _place on Victoria's mission–I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell… simply mouth-watering."

He looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment.

"Threaten him," the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread.

"He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this."

"And why not?" Laurent's smile widened. He gazed around the small opening in the trees. "The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body–you'll simply go missing, like so many, many other humans. There's no reason for Edward to think of me, _if _he cares enough to investigate. This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst."

"Beg," my hallucination pleaded.

"Please," I gasped.

Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."

"Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back.

Laurent followed, lithe and graceful."Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."

I stared at him in horror.

He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.

I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. _Edward, Edward, Edward_. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. _Edward, I love you_. I shouted it in my head, my last thought. As I squinted through my narrowed eyes Laurent sprang, moving too quick for me to follow, and within a second I felt the searing pain as his teeth pierced my neck, straight over my jugular vein.

The pain was excruciating. I couldn't even scream. I gasped, and my breaths seemed to choke in my throat as I instinctively writhed in agony, desperate to escape somehow. But I knew nothing would break the iron grip of the cold hands that clamped round my neck and arm.

The pain intensified, and I thrashed wildly, feeling my strength begin to ebb. My movements slowed and everything began to blur. When I fell to the ground shock broke through my senses. Was it over already? But the burning didn't diminish in the slightest, and I squinted up through my wet lashes, trying to see if there was more torture to come. What I saw briefly drove the burning from my mind.

I could see Laurent as a pale blur through the tears that clouded my vision, backing slowly away to the other side of the meadow. But, closer than him, were the monstrous forms of several shadowy shapes, taller than horses. One was right next to me, towering above me, but I couldn't find it in myself to be any more afraid. I gazed up into piercing black eyes, trying to focus, before I felt the burning return to the forefront of my mind again. I closed my eyes as the pain rose and spread through my body, in an effort to shut out reality. As I felt it engulf my chest, it grew even hotter, surpassing anything I had ever felt before. I couldn't make sense of it; how much hotter could it get? But to my disbelief it burning continued to rise. It was everywhere now, the feeling that my body was engulfed in flames that ran up and down my veins, scalding me inside and out. I wanted to die. In my head I begged for Laurent to return, for one of those shadowy creatures to tear me apart, anything to end this torture. What could possibly ever be worth this pain? It outweighed my entire world, the universe, everything.

I have no idea how much time passed whilst I lay there, writhing and shrieking in agony, unable to stop the piercing scream issuing from my lips. Time was meaningless. All that existed was pain. I couldn't remember it beginning, and I couldn't envision an ending. The incessant burning raged; my mind lost in its intensity.

Eventually, after however many hours, I began to detect a change. My mind resurfaced from whatever levels of suffering it had been buried under. The pain did not alleviate for one second, if anything increasing its intensity, but I began to think. To notice that time was passing, however slowly, and I sought to concentrate on anything that would distract me from the burning that ravaged my body.

I was aware that I was alone now. I tried to prise my eyes open, but it was too dark to see anything. I couldn't hear anything distinctive nearby, just the wind. I strained my ears to find something that would give me a measurement of the seconds I spent in this hell. I heard nothing except the stream that trickled at the other end of the meadow. I focused on it, hoping that concentration on the sound of cool water would help me to ignore the flames, but if anything it made it worse.

Then it started to rain.

Every drop that hit my body was pure torture, an explosion of pain that was an intensification of that which I already felt. I thrashed and tossed, trying to protect my battered body. My mind fought to stay on top of the new waves of anguish that threatened to engulf it, and my thoughts raged at me as I sought to escape once again.

I focused, expending every ounce of effort to coordinate my abused limbs. I rolled on to my front and began to drag myself toward the cover of the trees, one hand at a time digging into the soil, pulling my useless body forward. Every movement I made was excruciating, and the journey of mere yards seemed to last a lifetime, but eventually I made it to the borders of the meadow. Exhausted and suffering, I crawled forward, inch by inch, until I slid into a sudden ditch covered by an overhanging bush, and lay there like a dead thing, returning to the fiery torture.

More time passed and my thoughts became clearer. It became easier to think around the pain. I felt my memories clouding, becoming distant, paling in comparison to the agony, and I fought to retain them. I clung to memories of the Cullens, of my brief time with Edward. I couldn't risk forgetting him, and it wasn't as if I could be in any more pain than I was now. I focused on those memories that would help me now. I remembered my conversation with Alice nearly a year ago, when I was hiding in a hotel room in Phoenix.

.

_Alice smiled ominously at me, explaining the natural weapons that all vampires are equipped with in order to hunt their prey. She explained that although vampires are faster, stronger, and have acute senses, they are also venomous, and poison their prey when they bite._

_"So… if the venom is left to spread…" I murmured._

_"It takes a few days for the transformation to be complete, depending on how much venom is in the bloodstream, how close the venom enters to the heart. As long as the heart keeps beating, the poison spreads, healing, changing the body as it moves through it. Eventually the heart stops, and the conversion is finished. But all that time, every minute of it, a victim would be wishing for death."_

.

I could believe that easily enough now. A few days. I wondered once again how much time had passed, how much more I would have to endure. I felt ravaged, an empty, burnt-out shell. I couldn't believe that this was healing me in any way. How much more agony could I be in?

I was soon answered. I felt the burning receding from my hands and feet. At first all I felt was relief, but then, as the burning retreated through my body toward my heart, it grew even hotter. I hadn't thought that more heat was possible. I screamed again, but there was no one to hear now.

I felt my heartbeat increase, getting faster and faster. The heat in my chest rose to a new level, and I lost all form of concentration. My pulse sped up further, and then suddenly my heart took off, beating so fast that the sounds merged together into an incessant whir. It strained against my chest and my back arched off the floor. My screams stifled in my throat, and then I collapsed. There was nothing. No fire, no pain, and no pulse. It was over. I opened my eyes.

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**So there you have it! Please review, I would actually like to know your opinions and see if you think I should continue with this. Also, I'd quite like some feedback on my writing style, which I know isn't to everyone's taste. I don't bite, honest! Anyways, bye for now!**


	2. Chapter 2 New Life

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Here's the second chapter. Again, please let me know what you think. I really want to know if I'm doing OK with this.**

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**Chapter 2 – New Life**

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_There was nothing. No fire, no pain, and no pulse. It was over. I opened my eyes._

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It was like looking through a lens. Everything was so clear, defined. I could see _everything._ Everything there was to see. Above my head the leaves waved back and forth in a light breeze, the sunlight shining through them, creating a kaleidoscope of colour and patterns that I had never imagined. I could see the movement of every leaf, every twig, every speck of dust that danced in the sunlight. My mouth fell open in wonder.

I inhaled in a sharp gasp, and was instantly overwhelmed by the scents of my surroundings, which I perceived by both taste and smell. The particles in the air spoke to me of a million different things; wood, and rot, and moss that covered the tree trunks, small rodents burrowing deep under the ground, wildflowers and grass from the meadow, and the scent of pure, clean water from the stream nearby. At the same time I was acutely aware of a dry, burning sensation in my throat. I was pretty sure I knew what that meant, but ignored it for the time being.

I strained my ears, and listened to every movement around me; the leaves brushing against each other, the far off beating of birds' wings as they glided overhead, the bubbling of the stream, the scurrying of insects in the debris of the woodland floor. There was so _much._ I would have struggled to take it all in before, been stunned by the sheer amount of information my senses could recognise, but realised I didn't have to think about it at all. Even my mind was changed; it took it all in, processing it whilst leaving more than enough room for spare thought. Which was lucky, as I realised I had a lot that I needed to think about now.

The beauty of my surroundings couldn't distract me from the horror of what had happened. What I had practically brought upon myself by my own stupidity. I was a vampire.

I couldn't help but be struck by the irony. Only 6 months ago I would have given anything to be a vampire. But a lot had changed in 6 months. Back then, becoming a vampire had meant so much more than mere immortality. It meant a family, a future, and the love of my life. Back then those things had made it seem worthwhile, regardless of what I was leaving behind. Now I was alone, and the things I was leaving behind were my entire life. Charlie, Renee, Jake... I was going to hurt them so much, and I couldn't even say goodbye...

No I couldn't even do that much. My knowledge of newborn vampires was practically none existent - Edward had refused to ever discuss it, and he had made Alice promise not to tell me anything. But one thing I knew for sure was that self-control was an acquired skill, and a difficult one at that. I thought back to my 18th birthday, whilst cringing at the emotional pain the memory brought with it, and saw Jasper leaping towards me, his teeth snapping inches away from my face. I saw Esme running from the room holding her hand over her mouth, and Edward crouching over me, unable to breathe for fear of killing me. If it was that hard for them, after all those years of practice, then I knew I was going to struggle. I needed help, but there was no one to help. I was alone.

Pain gripped me again; the familiar pain that had been echoing inside me for months, but it seemed even more intense in my new body. I scrunched my eyes shut and cringed back into the soil. A tingling feeling started behind my eyelids, as my eyes tried to produce the tears that my body was now incapable of. How was I ever going to stop thinking of _him_ now I was like this? It was a reminder I didn't need.

I sighed and sprang to my feet. The movement felt effortless, and for the first time I wondered at the physical aspects of my transformation. I still didn't know enough about my new life.

I started walking through the forest, away from the meadow. I couldn't bear to look at it now. I didn't belong there anymore. I was changed.

As I walked I thought about what to do next. I felt a great sadness for the pain I was going to cause my family and friends. They would never know what had happened to me, and I could never let them know that I was alive. But there was nothing I could do about that now.

I wondered where I would go. I had no money, and in any case I didn't know if it would be safe for me to go back to areas where humans were. If I was going to make a start in this new life I was going to do it properly. I would be a good vampire, a vegetarian. I smiled sadly at the Cullen's old nickname. I found I could think about them now without too much pain. Not all of them of course, but still I could recall most of them, their words and faces, without breaking down completely. After all, I wasn't that different from them any more.

The burning feeling in my throat was more noticeable now. I supposed that meant I was... _thirsty. _I shuddered, but I was going to have to get used to this if I was determined to do this right.

I started to run, deeper into the forest. I didn't want to be anywhere near humans when I started hunting. I remembered _his_ words in the cafeteria; a distant and blurred memory, but still discernible.

.

_"When we hunt," he spoke slowly, unwillingly, "we give ourselves over to our senses… govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…"_

_._

I hadn't needed him to finish. I could imagine it all too easily. So I knew that whilst I was hunting would be the worst time for me to run into a human. I ran faster, amazed at the speed and grace that came naturally to me now. Not once did I have to look down to prevent myself from tripping. The ground felt smooth beneath my hiking boots, with no obstacles. I didn't have to focus to avoid trees or ditches; it was a natural as breathing. When I had gone about 5 miles I stopped abruptly and listened.

I could hear the subtle movements of a herd of animals, and my new mind told me that they were about a quarter of mile away. The thudding of their pulse echoed in my ears, and the burning in my throat intensified. My mouth felt baked dry. But I didn't move. As crazy as it was, I suddenly felt nervous.

I realised I had no idea how to do this. I didn't know how to hunt, how to be a vampire, good or bad. Humanity was all I knew. I took deep breaths to calm my panic, and registered the scent of the herd. Deer. I realised it wasn't exactly appetising either, rather like broccoli compared to chocolate. I grimaced. _Great. An eternity of vegetables._ But I could imagine all too well what would be the most appetising smell, and I wasn't having it. If I was going to do this then I was going to do it right.

I took a few more deep breaths, and his voice echoed in my mind. This wasn't the clear voice of my delusions, only the weak memory of his spoken words so long ago. _"We give ourselves over to our senses…" _That was what he had said.

So I stopped thinking about it, breathed through my nose and let the unappealing scent pull me forward. I flew towards it silently, running lightly over the uneven ground. I circled silently around the herd, crouched, and leapt, my teeth clamping around the neck of the lead male as I tackled him to the ground. The rest of the herd scattered as my teeth slashed through the skin and sinew effortlessly.

It wasn't particularly _tasty_, but it did the job. The pain in my throat was soothed to a numb heat, not absent but muted. I straightened up from my crouch over the deer's body and frowned. I'd managed to get blood all down the front of my jacket, and I could see it on my hands. I was a mess.

I caught the sound of trickling water nearby and went to clean up. After washing my hands and face I took off my jacket and rinsed it out. I managed to get out most of the blood, and hung it on a nearby branch to dry. The day was cool but sunny and windy. Whilst I was waiting I sat down and leant my back against a tree; out of habit really, I didn't find myself tired from standing in one place. My thoughts returned to the matter of my next actions. I couldn't avoid humanity forever, but I was scared of losing control. I knew eventually I'd have to face it, but I didn't like the idea of gambling my determination on someone's life.

I also realised I didn't want to live alone for my entire existence. It definitely wasn't an appealing idea; a lifetime of solitude. But where could I go? I thought briefly about hunting for the Cullen's, but quickly ruled it out. They'd made it very clear they were bored with me, and I certainly wasn't going to force my company on them.

I could hunt for other vampires, but from what I could deduce that would be difficult. I knew that most were nomads that constantly moved about. They couldn't settle in one place due to their...diet. Besides, I didn't know how welcome I'd be, or how I be able to keep up being a vegetarian surrounding by those who hunted humans daily. I shuddered.

I didn't want to live near humans until I knew I wasn't a danger. So what option did that leave me with?

An tentative idea started to form. I couldn't face humans, not yet, and I wasn't comfortable with the idea of finding vampires who weren't _vegetarians. _But the Cullens weren't the only ones out there, were they? I focused on another blurry human memory.

.

"_We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska .We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live...differently tend to band together."_

_._

I ignored the pain that accompanied the recall. There were more important things to focus on. I had another option, another family who might take me in, or at least help me understand some of the changes I had gone through. It wasn't the best idea; they might just slam the door in my face, but it was the best I had at the moment. I got to my feet, and retrieved my jacket from the tree branch. It was still stained and damp but I didn't want to leave it lying around for someone to find. It would dry whilst I was running. I pulled the compass that I'd brought with me, several days and a lifetime ago now, from my jeans pocket. I glanced at it briefly, and started to run north, heading for Alaska.

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**I really enjoyed writing this bit. It took me forever to be happy with it; I was trying to get it to accurately reflect Stephenie Meyer's descriptions, but I'm really pleased with the way it turned out. I'm going to be on holiday for the next week, so although I'll be able to write the next couple of chapters I can't publish until July. Watch this space, and please let me know how you think I'm doing! Tchau!**


	3. Chapter 3 Scent

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Hey guys, thanks for your patience. Here's the 3rd chapter!**

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**Chapter 3 - Scent**

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_I pulled the compass that I'd brought with me, several days and a lifetime ago now, from my jeans pocket. I glanced at it briefly and started to run north, heading for Alaska._

_x_

I paused on a snowy and heavily-wooded hillside. I'd been travelling for 2 days now, without pausing for food, sleep or breath. Of course, I didn't need to stop anymore, but it still felt strange to be able to keep going indefinitely like this.

I was grateful for what little I had been taught of my local geography. I used my knowledge of the Olympic Peninsula to avoid as much habitation as possible. I had headed down from the mountains, keeping to the woods, and had crossed the 101 road about 12 miles east of a small town called Sappho, heading straight for the coast. I figured that my best chance of avoiding humans lay in the water. It had only taken me about half an hour to reach the coastline, cutting straight through the National Park, and the sun was just setting as I reached the cliffs.

I'd been lucky. I hadn't come across any signs of humans, scent or sight, although admittedly I'd been holding my breath whenever I neared the roads. It had shocked me, the way I could travel so fast without needing to breathe, but it was uncomfortable. I disliked the absence of a sense of smell. The feeling of deprivation was akin to running with my eyes closed.

At the coast I had dived into the waters below, confident in my new strength and speed. It had reminded me of Jake's promise to take me cliff-diving, before he had started avoiding me. I had shied away from the pain of the memory, and swum down the Strait of Juan de Fuca, heading for the open sea.

I had swum for about 16 hours before coming ashore on Graham Island. There I had hunted once again, carefully avoiding any trace of humanity. After that I had taken to the water again, crossing the Gulf of Alaska, only to come ashore near the mountains some distance along the coast from Cordova. The journey of over 1000 miles had taken me just over 2 days.

I crossed the snowy mountains under the cover of darkness, and found a forested area in which to hide whilst I hunted and re-evaluated my plan. I wandered aimlessly for a while, thinking about my next move. I was in way over my head here, I knew that. My knowledge of my current surroundings was a lot more basic than that of the Olympic Peninsula, as was my knowledge of what I was seeking. All I knew was what Carlisle had told Laurent _"There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali"_ But from what I knew Denali was a large area, and I had no idea whereabouts to start looking.

And how was I even meant to find them if I knew the area? Wait until I saw beautiful, pale-skinned people racing across the landscape? I was hoping that I'd be able to recognise their scent as non-human, and be able to follow that. But that meant I'd have to face human scents as well. I had caught a few faint trails on my journey, but luckily not fresh and never whilst hunting. Still, it was hard enough to resist when I was still in full control of my mind. The sweet, appealing scent had made my throat burn and venom flood my mouth, and it had taken every ounce of self-control I had to turn away. Would I be able to handle that during my search, with stronger intensities and the possibility of human hearts beating nearby?

I sat down and leant back against a tree. If I was honest with myself I was just focusing on the impossibilities of actually finding the Denalis to distract myself from their possible reactions at a newborn vampire turning up on their doorstep and asking for help. As ridiculous as it sounded, I was _embarrassed_ at the thought of asking complete strangers to take me in. They could so easily turn me away. One family already had, what would stop this one? I chewed my lip anxiously, my teeth feeling strangely sharp against my granite skin. But I knew I had to try. I needed help, and I didn't want to be alone.

I already missed Charlie acutely. I hated to think of the pain I was causing him with my disappearance. And Jake too. Ok, so he was obviously avoiding me recently, but I thought back over our time together, hanging out in his garage, laughing and joking, and was sure he'd be affected by this too. That couldn't have changed. I missed him so much. I would have given anything to see him again. I wish I could have said goodbye.

I sighed. There was no point dwelling on it. I couldn't do anything to help my family now. I would make the most of this life, and do whatever it took make sure I wasn't a danger to anyone.

I stood up. I would hunt again today. I didn't want to take any chances and, from what little information I had gathered from the Cullens, the temptation of human blood was less strong when you were bloated on animal blood. I had only fed yesterday, but I was thirsty again. I wondered if it had something to do with being newly changed. Edward hadn't seemed to need to hunt every day. He had been with me most of the time...

I stopped my thoughts right there. I needed to focus on something else. I relaxed and let my senses take control in a practised manner. There was the sound of a thudding heart about a mile north of where I was standing. I inhaled, and the scent particles in the air informed me that my prey was an adult grizzly bear. I grinned, and leaned into a crouch as I ran, following the scent.

As I drew near to the bear the wind shifted, coming from the east. I barely had time to think about the ramifications of this before I caught a new fragrance carried on the air, a scent so attractive and appealing that my body turned and followed it instantly, grizzly bear long forgotten. I hurtled through the trees, intent on only one thing, as my throat burst into flames.

The ground flew beneath my feet as I got closer to the source. Venom flooded my mouth in anticipation, but it did little to remove the dry burning that consumed me. The thirst was physically painful now, and overwhelmed my mind as I sped up. It was an irresistible compulsion that drove me still faster. My throat ached with a painful burn at the mere thought of the tantalizing scent I was pursuing. I was nearly there...

"Bella, stop!" A beautiful, musical voice shouted inside my head. The shock of hearing it over-ruled everything, clearing my head and bringing me to a sudden standstill.

"Bella, you don't want to do this! Think!" the velvet voice commanded. I obeyed without question, and the horror of what I was about to do hit me. I was mortified. What was I doing? I cut off the supply of oxygen to my lungs immediately, and held still. I couldn't breathe. I knew what would happen if I did.

But aside from the horror I felt only relief. I had been so afraid that my delusions had stopped with my transformation. After all, it wasn't as if I could be in danger now, indestructible as I was. But I realised that there was still danger to my mind, danger he was still protecting me from. I couldn't have faced it if I had actually...

I stopped myself. I had to keep my mind away from that. I turned around and ran flat out in the opposite direction, concentrating fiercely on the trees that passed narrowly by my head. After I had gone about 3 or 4 miles, I came to an abrupt stop.

Bracing myself against a tree, I took a cautious breath. To my relief there was no trace of the compelling scent in the air. I sagged to the ground, weak with relief, horror and fear. I couldn't believe how close I had come to losing all trace of humanity that was left to me. What sort of monster was I? I wrapped my arms around my legs and heaved dry, tearless sobs.

It took me about an hour to compose myself and see reason, to let the guilt and shame subside and think about the result. I could take comfort in knowing that I'd done the right thing, however close it had been. I took even more comfort in knowing that my delusions hadn't been lost to me. I wasn't alone in my mind at least.

Alone. The fear and horror returned abruptly. Loneliness overwhelmed me. There was no one watching out for me, no one who would even care if I had killed someone. He wouldn't know, or care. The gaping hole in my chest rippled with agony, as unchanged as my delusions had been. I gasped with the pain of it. I suppose it was stupid of me to think that I could have left it behind with my humanity. The pain was an irreversible part of me now. I struggled to regain control, tightening my arms across my chest with strength that would have crushed any human, in an attempt to hold myself together.

I tried to distract myself by making sense of my thoughts. Although painful, the fact the hole in my chest had remained was a reminder I dearly needed. I had not lost all aspects of my humanity when I was changed. My decision to find the Denalis was no longer contested in my mind. Though I was still aware of the problems I faced, I knew it was worth it. I couldn't face the prospect of this life alone.

I sighed and got to my feet again. I had wasted enough time, and still needed to hunt before continuing on my journey. I sniffed the air cautiously to make certain, and to my relief it was still free of the intoxicating scent of human blood. Remembering it made me thirsty. I brushed myself off and went to find another grizzly.

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**Ok, so this was a really hard one to write, especially since I've never been within 4000 miles of the places described. Part of me just wants to glance over it and move on quickly to get to the Denalis, but this chapter involved a crucial part of Bella's character, and I couldn't just skip it. So apologies if it's a little bit more boring than the others, but it's a necessary filler. Anyway, I'm completely immersed in planning the next bit, and what comes after, so it's taking me a little bit longer to write each chapter. However, expect Chapter 4 before the end of the week. **

**Once again, adios for now, and please let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4 Introductions

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Here's chapter 4. A difficult one to write, and the first with the Denalis. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 4 - Introduction**

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_My decision to find the Denalis was no longer contested in my mind. Though I was still aware of the problems I faced, I knew it was worth it. I couldn't face the prospect of this life alone._

_x_

I stood perfectly still, not daring to move, lest I snap a twig or something equally clumsy. My eyes were fixed on the secluded building in front of me.

I had found them.

I stood in the trees outside a large wooden house, somewhere in a heavily forested area of the Denali borough. It had taken me about a day to find it. A day of intense searching in the wilderness, of sprinting over the landscape, of breathing cautiously every time my quest brought me within a mile of a town. I hadn't ventured closer than that. It wasn't worth the risk.

Then about mid-afternoon I had come across a scent I didn't recognise as animal, plant or human. Its sweet fragrance had led me here.

That had been half an hour ago. I still hadn't ventured out of the trees where I was hiding. I was busy. Thinking.

I was happy with my choice to come here. More or less. Or at least happy in my realisation that there wasn't really any other option. It didn't stop me from worrying.

A vast amount of this worry concerned the Denali's reaction. I was petrified that they were going to turn me away. I didn't trust myself to be alone. I knew now that I'd never learn control without help. I shuddered at the thought.

But that wasn't the only worry. There were others. Less immediate, but just as important.

I knew that the Cullens had considered the Denalis almost family. They had even lived together at one point. I remembered – the hole in my chest rippled painfully – that this had been where Edward had come last winter, when he had run away from Forks to keep himself from killing me. I didn't dwell on the memory.

So with that I had to face the possibility that the Cullens would eventually visit. I didn't know when that would be - who knew how long it took them to drag themselves away from their _distractions? -_ but I didn't think I wanted to be here when they came. My reasoning in this was possibly flawed – after all, I knew deep down there was nothing I wanted more than to see _him_. But I didn't want them to feel guilty. They might not, of course, but I think Alice at least would feel bad that they hadn't been there to save me. I didn't want that. This had been my own fault.

Also – and this was probably the most petty reason – I didn't want to force my company on them. They had shown they didn't want me. In no way did I want them to feel compelled or obligated to invite me to join them.

Both of these reasons were fairly superficial however. I wanted to feel mad. I wanted to feel abandoned. I wanted to hold a grudge. But I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to blame them for leaving. I loved them all too much. All I felt was a deep sadness that I wasn't able to be a part of their family anymore.

That was why I didn't want to see them really. I loved them all, and missed them. I didn't want them to feel guilt, or shame, or sympathy. And I didn't think I could handle seeing them again, only to be left once more.

The hole in my chest was pure agony now, but I pressed on. I needed to sort my thoughts out.

I wasn't a fool enough to think that my transformation had changed anything between Edward and me. I had caught glimpses of my reflection in rivers and pools, and couldn't deny that the stranger staring back at me was beautiful. She was fast, and strong, and immortal. But, despite the drastic changes, she was still just me, and if 'just me' had been enough then Edward would never have left. I couldn't fool myself that I was anymore worthy of holding him here than I had been 7 months ago.

So I would try to avoid the Cullens, if I could. That much was certain. I also wondered what I should say to the Denalis. After all, I would have to have some explanation of why I was here, and how I knew about them. I briefly considered denying my link to the Cullens, should it come up; it might make them realise how easily they could turn me away, but I decided against it. I would be honest and hope for the best. I owed them that much.

I was procrastinating, I knew that. I took a deep breath, and listened intently. I could the impossibly faint sounds of 4 people moving around in the building with the grace and silence that only came with immortality. I couldn't hear any voices from where I was standing.

I left my hiding place and walked forward at human speed across the large clearing. As I did so I could hear a conversation coming from one of the rooms on the ground floor.

"Have you seen Irina?" A female voice chimed with a faint hint of a Russian accent.

"She's still out hunting" another female replied. This was a gentler, quieter voice, with an accent that sounded vaguely Spanish.

"For what, animals or Laurent" a voice similar to the first, but with a sarcastic edge, scoffed. I froze, and then relaxed slightly. I had known that the Denalis knew Laurent. Besides, he wasn't a danger to me now. It was still unnerving though.

"Kate, don't say that! You know she's upset" the first speaker cautioned.

"I know, I know. I hate to see her this way too, you know I do. But I just think that she could be upset inside the house, that's all."

I didn't like eavesdropping. It wasn't the best of beginnings. I crossed the remaining distance to the door in an instance, braced myself, and knocked.

The door was pulled open almost immediately. A female vampire stood behind it. She had strawberry blonde curls, and of course a figure any human model would die for. The pale skin and golden eyes reassured me beyond doubt that I'd found the right family. I breathed a sigh of relief.

The woman was still standing there with an expression of surprise and confusion on her face. I could hardly blame her.

"Hello, my name is Bella," I mentally groaned. Original. I paused, unsure how to continue. This had to be one of the strangest conversations in history. "I was hoping you could help me?"

Another female appeared over the woman's left shoulder at the bottom of the staircase, the same look of shock on her face. She had straight, pale blonde hair.

"Of course." said the first woman, recovering slightly. "Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you"

I followed her into the living room, aware of the other girl following close behind me. The room looked like a scene from a traditional wooden cabin, with pine walls, dark ceiling beams and a stone fireplace on the northern wall. The neutral decor reminded me of the Cullen's house, and my stomach twisted uneasily. There were two more vampires sat on a white leather couch in the centre of the room. One was a male whom I hadn't heard speak. Like the female next to him, he had dark hair and a hint of olive pallor in his pale skin. Both were staring at me in amazement. I noted that the male readjusted his position slightly as I drew nearer, so that he leaned forward in a protective manner in front of the woman next to him.

"Please, sit down" The woman who had opened the door indicated a leather armchair to the right of the sofa. I sat, feeling increasingly nervous. I had no idea what to say.

The woman seemed to sense my anxiety. "My name is Tanya, and this is my sister Kate," she gestured to the blonde vampire who had followed us in. "And this is Carmen," the dark-haired women smiled kindly, "and Eleazar". The man was staring intently at me. I felt self-conscious and looked back to Tanya, gnawing my bottom lip.

"So Bella, what can we help you with?" asked Kate, taking a seat in the chair opposite me. Tanya sat next to Carmen on the sofa, and they all stared at me.

I hesitated briefly, staring at my feet and trying to collect my thoughts. "Well, it's quite complicated." I paused again, and looked directly at Kate. "But really, I was hoping you could tell me more about vampires" Whatever they were expecting, it wasn't that. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tanya and Carmen exchange a startled glance. Eleazar was still staring straight at me. I kept my gaze focused on Kate, disliking the attention.

She looked surprised too, but quickly collected herself. "You're a newborn?" she guessed. I nodded mutely. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Eleazar's brow furrow as he frowned.

"I see," Kate paused, seeming to consider her next words carefully. "How long ago were you changed?"

I thought. "About 5 or 6 days ago, I think. The 4th. I'm not sure what today's date is" I admitted.

"The 9th" Kate smiled but still looked thoughtful.

"But you know what you are? What we are?" The question came from Tanya. I turned to look at her, nodding slowly.

"How?"

I hesitated. I hadn't really wanted to get on to this so quickly. But to my relief Carmen interrupted.

"Who was your creator?" she asked gently. She reminded me a lot of Esme.

I paused again. But this bit was going to have to come out soon enough anyway. "A male vampire called Laurent." I said quietly. I saw Kate's head shoot up as the four vampires froze with surprise, and immediately regretted my vow to be honest. I waited, my hands twisting together nervously. Carmen was the first to relax.

"Was he the one who told you about us?" she asked. I couldn't really avoid this one without lying.

"No." I admitted. I saw their expressions change to puzzlement. I sighed. I was going to have to tell them. "It's rather a long story," I began evasively.

"We've got time." said Kate, but she smiled as she spoke. I smiled back.

So I told them. I told them about the Cullens, and I told them about Edward. Every time I said his name I could feel the pain in my chest, but I went on. I didn't go into too many details; I told them that I had become friends with Edward and Alice at school. They didn't need to know what a fool I was. I spoke about what little I knew of vampires, and how I'd been told of another vegetarian family here in Denali. I told them about what had happened with James, Victoria and Laurent last year. I told them how the Cullens had left, my words merging together as I spoke quickly in my nervousness, and I explained how I had met Laurent again in the woods, and woken up alone. And I told them about my decision to come here. They didn't speak throughout the entire account, and I grew nervous again.

"So I left Forks, and travelled here. I was hoping you could help me learn to control myself. I don't want to hunt humans." I finished. They still hadn't moved.

At last Kate stirred. "Well, you weren't joking about a long story." I smiled anxiously, and Carmen laughed. I risked a glance at Eleazar. He wasn't frowning anymore, but appeared to be deep in thought. Tanya looked speculative.

"So you want to be a vegetarian?" I turned back to Kate nodding. "Well, we'd be happy to help, if you're willing to try." The others nodded their agreement. "What about the Cullens?" she continued. I stared at her, uncomprehending. "Do you want us to call them?"

"No!" I replied quickly. Kate raised a delicate eyebrow. "Sorry," I apologised at my abruptness, "But I'd rather...I don't think...I don't want to worry them." I finished lamely. Kate looked sceptical, but dropped the subject.

"Well, you are welcome to stay with us for as long as you need." Carmen said, getting to her feet. "We have a few spare rooms and clothes for when the Cullens stay here. I'm sure you'd like to get cleaned up" she smiled, and I stood up, smiling in response.

"Thank you," I replied, "And thank you so much for helping me. I didn't know what I was going to do." Carmen's eyes warmed as she beamed at me.

Behind us the front door opened, and all of our heads whipped around. Another vampire stood there, with silvery-blonde hair that was straight like Kate's, except even paler. She stared at me in surprise.

"Hey!" Kate got to her feet smiling, "We wondered where you were. Bella, this is our sister Irina. Irina, this is Bella. She came to learn how to hunt animals. She knows the Cullens."

Irina's eyes widened with surprise, but she smiled warmly. "It's nice to meet you Bella."

"You too." I replied grinning. I was pleased that no one seemed about to turn me away. This was more than I could have ever hoped for.

"Err...Irina..." I turned to see Tanya standing up looking worried, "Bella travelled up from Washington. She... she met Laurent on the way, somewhere near Forks." she spoke slowly, unwillingly.

Irina's head snapped round to stare at her sister. When Tanya nodded, she looked back at me.

"You saw him?" she asked excitedly, "Do you know where he is? Is he coming home?" The hope and love in her eyes was almost unbearable to look at, and I knew now why Tanya looked so worried. I glanced at her for help. I didn't know what to say.

"Irina," Tanya began sadly, "Laurent is the one who changed Bella. He was hunting." I saw understanding, shock and hurt race across Irina's perfect features. After a second she turned back to me.

"Is he coming home?" she repeated her question quietly, her voice sad and resigned now. I wished I could give a different answer.

"I don't know," I said quietly. Her face fell even more, and I decided to tell her all I could. "I don't know why he...stopped. I think he was chased away. There were large creatures that looked like bears, or big wolves." At the word wolves everyone looked up, but I was looking at Irina. She had froze, her face a mask of panic. All the life drained away from her features, and she looked even paler than normal. Before I could blink she was out the door. I felt the air move as Kate ran past me after her.

I turned to face the others. They were all looking at the floor, their expressions sad.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone" I said worriedly. Carmen finally looked up at me.

"Don't worry_ querida_; it's not your fault. Come on, I'll show you your room" I followed her upstairs, looking over my shoulder to see that Tanya and Eleazar hadn't moved an inch.

**So that's Chapter 4. This was another fun one to write, hence it's a little longer than the rest. I was really trying hard to get the Denali's characters and speech accurate to Stephenie Meyer's portrayal, which is difficult considering you never see much of them. I don't think I did that badly. I know a lot of fanfics portray Tanya as a total bitch, but she never seemed that bad to me, just wrongly infatuated, and I' sure everyone's been **_**there**_** at some point. **

**And yes, Bella's transformation only took about 2 and ½ days. I mean, she was bit on her jugular vein, and it took at least a minute for Laurent to get chased off! I think that's sufficient for there to be a hell of a lot of venom in her bloodstream!**

**Anyway, my decrepit computer is in for servicing (again) starting next week, so I won't be able to update for a fortnight, more or less.**

**So, until the 22nd, I bid you adieu!**


	5. Chapter 5 Hunting

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and it's components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.  
**  
**Here we are, right on time :) Enjoy!**

_x_

**Chapter 5 - Hunting**

_x_

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone" I said worriedly. Carmen finally looked up at me._

"_Don't worry querida; it's not your fault. Come on, I'll show you your room" I followed her upstairs, looking over my shoulder to see that Tanya and Eleazar hadn't moved an inch._

_x_

I followed Carmen up the stairs onto the first floor. We were on a large landing with a sofa and bookcase against one wall. Several doors led off it, and there was another, curving staircase in the north-east corner.

"Our bedrooms are on this floor. Kate's room is the last on the left, that's Irina's, Tanya's is here, and this one is mine and Eleazar's." Carmen said, gesturing to each door in turn. "And a bathroom" She pointed to the last door on the right. "Your room is upstairs." She walked forward to the next staircase. I followed in silence.

We carried on up to the next floor. This landing was smaller; a narrow passage way with another 5 doors leading off it.

Carmen walked over to the second door on the right and pushed it open. "You can have this room."

I peered inside. The room was light and airy with a slanting roof and two large skylight windows. The thick carpet was pale beige, and in the centre of the room was a large double bed with a light-gold duvet cover. There were two white, antique dressing tables on either side of the bed, and the east wall housed a huge wall-to-wall wardrobe with several compartments.

"This room is usually used by Alice and Jasper. I'm sure they won't mind you using it. Besides, Alice makes sure there are plenty of spare clothes in here." Carmen grinned, and I smiled back in response, remembering Alice's fashion obsession. "The bathroom is across the hall. I'll leave you to get settled." She turned to leave, but I spoke before she could go.

"Carmen," I started, and she turned. I hesitated. There were so many things I wanted to say and ask. I figured I needed time to sort them out myself. "Thank you. For everything. All of you." I finished sincerely. I would never be able to tell them how grateful I was.

The strangest expression crossed Carmen's face, and then she walked over and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, trying to convey how relieved, thankful and happy I was. I think she understood.

"Don't worry Bella," she said quietly, "It's OK now. We're here for you." Her words were sincere and heart-felt. If I'd been able I would have been crying with happiness. She pulled back, smiled at me, and left, closing the door behind her.

I stared at the closed door for a minute, and then turned to the dominating wardrobes that covered one wall. I sighed. Knowing Alice it was going to be difficult to find something ordinary to wear.

It did take a while, but after some hunting I found a drawer with some faded, artfully ripped jeans and plain t-shirts. I picked some out and went across the hall to clean up and change.

I was in the bathroom, bent over the basin, when I looked up and caught my first clear glimpse of my face in the mirror. My mouth fell open with a gasp. I was shocked at the change. The person staring back at me only vaguely resembled the reflection I was familiar with. More shocking still was the deep crimson colour that dominated my eyes. I chewed my lip anxiously, wondering if and when my eyes would turn golden. The blood-red reflection made me shiver; an innate instinct of danger. I avoided looking in the mirror whilst I finished cleaning up.

I gathered my dirty clothes and headed back to my room, shutting the bathroom door quietly behind me. As I made my way across the hall I came across faint traces of a compelling scent, lilac and honey flavoured, with a mix of something else. I paused. I felt as if I should recognise it, but it was like nothing I'd come across since my change. It was so pleasant I found myself following it to the room next to the bathroom, at the end of the landing. I slowly pushed the door open and stood there, staring.

The room inside was similar to my own in layout. The cover on the bed was a darker gold, and the wardrobe was much smaller. There was a thick, white rug on the floor. On one side of the bed was a small piano where a second dressing table should have stood. By the door were several bookcases filled with classic novels and music records. A stereo stood in the corner, and the honey-and-lilac scent filled the room.

I froze, my body locking down as the familiar, aching feeling of loss radiated through my chest. It would be impossible for me not to know whose room this was.

I stood their for several minutes of torture, unable to move, before I shook myself and backed out of the room closing the door behind me. I quickly returned to my room across the corridor. Once inside, I sunk onto the bed and put my head in my hands, trying to take deep breaths. It did little to placate the gasping, dry sobs that were trying to escape me.

After a while I calmed down. I had been stupid to come here. I should have known that it would bear more reminders than I could cope with. Was I _trying_ to drive myself insane? Was there some sick, masochistic impulse that drove me towards the things that I wanted desperately to avoid?

But I knew there had been no other option. I was thankful Carmen hadn't tried to give me _his_ room. How could I have explained my reaction? I didn't want them to think I was stranger than I already appeared. I sighed heavily in resignation. I was going to have to come to terms with this sooner or later. My life was full of reminders now, with no way to escape them.

I spent a little longer sitting there, composing myself, before making my way downstairs. I found Tanya, Eleazar and Carmen in the living room. Carmen was reading a book whilst the other two were watching CNN. They all looked up at the sound of my approach and smiled.

"Hey Bella, you settled in OK?" Tanya asked. I nodded.

"Yes thank you. You've been very kind. Your house is lovely." I added. Tanya smiled and went back to watching the television. I was momentarily distracted by an abrupt sensation of deja vu as my words echoed in my ears, haunting me. I'd said something very similar nearly a year ago...

"Come sit Bella" Carmen gestured to the space next to her. I walked over, grateful for the distraction. As soon as I sat down I heard the front door open behind me.

"Well, I caught up with her," sighed Kate, striding into the room, "I've convinced her to stay for the time being, at least until we've spoken to Carlisle." She threw herself into an armchair, causing it to skid back a few inches. "Oh, hey Bella!"

"Well, should we call him then?" asked Tanya. Kate thought for a second.

"Nah, we'll give it until Spring Break. That way he'll have finished teaching and can come and help us out if we need him. No need to bother him before then. I think she can last" I listened to this additional information with interest, as Tanya shrugged and turned back to the TV. Then she turned back suddenly.

"Oh Bella I almost forgot. Do you need to hunt?" I nodded gratefully. The pain in my throat had been growing for a while, but I hadn't liked to mention it. Tanya smiled understandingly. "It's ok, it's normal for newborns to be thirsty often." I was glad it wasn't just me.

"I'll go with her," Kate said, standing up again, "I need to hunt too, really, and I can show her the local area." Tanya nodded, and returned her attention to CNN.

I followed Kate out the door, and we ran toward the trees at the side of the house. We ran in silence for about two miles through the forest. From the steady incline I guessed we were climbing up into the mountains. After a while I called in front.

"Kate?" Kate stopped immediately and flitted back to me with a questioning look on her face. "Kate, what's wrong with Irina? I didn't mean to upset her." I felt so bad that something I had said had hurt her that badly. Understanding dawned on Kate's perfect features.

"Oh Bella, it's not you. She's just worried about Laurent." Kate sighed.

"I'm sorry," I apologised anyway, "Laurent said something about them being close...?" I trailed off. Kate frowned sadly, and started to walk through the forest. I followed.

"Yeah they were close. We were all so happy for her, happy that she'd found someone. But..." she sighed again. I waited patiently. "He was here for about 9 months before we noticed. His eye colour wasn't changing." She looked up at me sadly, and I understood. I had to remind myself that the golden-coloured eyes I was so familiar with were by no means natural; a product of hard work and mental exertion. "We suspected he'd been cheating on his diet." She continued, wincing slightly on the last word. I thought about that.

"How long does it usually take for the eyes to change? How long will mine take?" The second was more thinking out loud, but Kate answered both.

"A few months. Yours should be golden by July." I nodded slowly.

"So what happened?"

"We spoke to Irina about it first. Of course, she didn't want to believe it. She got really mad, said that they could just be slow to change. She made all sorts of excuses for him. But we could see it had made her think." Kate frowned at the memory, and I sensed that her sister's pain was something the whole coven felt. "In January she confronted him about it. He said that our lifestyle was pointless and unnatural. They had a big fight, and he left." She didn't say anymore. I was confused.

"But then why did the stuff I said upset her so much? I mean, if he hasn't been back since January? Surely it's not such a big change?"

"No it's not exactly that. You see, when you mentioned those wolves..." she paused. "Did the Cullens ever tell you anything about... werewolves?" I froze, surprised at the direction which the conversation had taken. My first impulse was to laugh. She had to be kidding my. But then I thought carefully, sifting through my dim human memories. The Cullens had never mentioned anything, but someone else had...

"No, but there was a local legend about them. It said they were natural enemies of vampires." I thought back to my conversation with Jake on the beach, nearly a year ago now. The day I had learnt the truth.

Kate nodded. "What you have to understand is that vampires are very hard to kill. There's very little that can tear through our skin. In fact, the only things apart from vampire teeth are werewolf teeth. Werewolves kill vampires. They hunt them down." She said simply, an unhappy expression on her face. I gasped.

"So Irina thinks...?"

"Unfortunately, it is likely. You said that there was more than one werewolf, and they can run faster than us over long distances." Kate looked down at the floor and spoke slowly. "I didn't particularly like Laurent. He broke my sister's heart when he left. But I've never seen her in such pain. I'd rather he was back with her now, and she was happy."

She looked so sad I couldn't help but put an arm round her. I felt so bad for being the bearer of bad news. If I hadn't have come here they would still be happy. I changed the subject.

"So why do you need to call Carlisle?" Kate shrugged, and pulled herself together.

"Carlisle knows more about the werewolves than anyone we know. He met with them long ago, and made a treaty with them so that the Cullens were able to live in peace in the area. We're hoping he might be able to talk to Irina. Right now she's pretty upset." I could imagine. Poor Irina.

Kate shook herself. "Oh well, no sense in worrying now. Let's hunt." I smiled, still worried about how much pain I had caused.

We both sniffed the air, and I caught the scent of a group of caribou, pawing the snow about half a mile north-east of us. We both started running towards the source.

But before we reached them it happened again. For the second time in two days the wind changed direction, carrying the mouth-watering, devastatingly appealing scent of human blood. Once again I changed course without conscious permission, my throat blazing.

"Oh god! No Bella, stop!" I heard Kate's voice behind me, but it barely registered. I ran faster, the burning thirst consuming me.

"No Bella! Don't do this to yourself!" This time it wasn't Kate that called my name, and I'd know that velvet voice anywhere. I came to an abrupt stop, and instantly pressed my hand over my nose and mouth, blocking the delicious scent as reason returned to my mind again. I looked down ashamed, as Kate arrived at my side. She looked shocked, and I could hardly blame her.

"I'm...so...sorry..." I whispered, and ran back the way I'd just come. I just wanted to keep running and never stop. After I'd gone a few miles I slowed, hearing Kate coming up behind me. I came to a standstill and took a cautious breath. Nothing. I breathed in a lungful of the clean air with relief. Kate caught up again, still looking shocked. I avoided her questioning gaze, unable to even look at her. I was so ashamed. I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs.

"Bella, how did you do that?" Her tone surprised me; I was expecting reproach or disgust. I looked up. Surprise was still the most dominant emotion on her face, but there were undertones of...what? Amazement? Awe? I didn't understand.

"Do what?" I whispered sadly. What did she mean? How did I manage to nearly kill someone? I was asking myself the same question. I was a monster.

"Run away!" There was no mistaking the awe in her tone now. My brow furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean?" What else was I meant to have done? Kill them?

Kate looked at me appraisingly. "Bella, what you just did was...impossible." I still didn't understand. "No newborn should have been able to stop whilst hunting. Not when encountering the scent of human blood." I shuddered at the memory. "It just isn't possible. I've never seen a newborn do what you just did Bella. Even mature vampires have difficulty resisting whilst hunting." She explained.

"But...but I nearly killed someone..." I whispered. I looked down at my knees again.

"Yes, but you didn't. How on earth did you manage it?" I didn't know how to respond. What could I say, that my delusional Edward told me to stop, so I did? I grimaced internally. That wouldn't go down well. I'd be the world's first insane vampire.

"I don't know," I said, more or less honestly. "It wasn't as hard as last time though." I added. No, it hadn't been as hard as that. I'd been so much closer. I winced at the thought.

Kate's face was even more shocked now. "It's happened before?" I nodded slowly, looking up again.

"Yesterday. I came across the scent of a hiker in the mountains." I admitted shamefully.

Kate stared at me for a long minute. "What?" I said, feeling self-conscious. She shook her head.

"Nothing. We'll talk about it later." She held out her hand and helped me to my feet. "Come on, those caribou can't be too far off." We set off again, Kate in the lead this time. I followed, hoping desperately I wouldn't cross the scent of another human. I shuddered. Once was enough for today. I sped off, following Kate into the depths of the forest.

_x_

**Ta da! I said the 22nd, didn't I? Well, it's the 22****nd**** here anyway. Damn time difference. So it's all coming out now; Irina and Laurent, werewolves, Bella's amazing and unbelievable self-control. What next? Hehe, not so fast. But look for the next chapter before Monday. There shouldn't be anymore interruptions, other than the time it takes me to write now. I'm free until September!**

**Also, I really need to do the typical, cheesy thing and say 2 big thank yous. First, to everyone who has read this story through to the current end, and especially those who have reviewed. Thank you guys, it means so much to me that you find this worth reading :) I have to say before I started posting my story I under-estimated how important feedback is regarding motivation. Now I realise that not getting reviews is one big suckfest. No wonder people beg.**

**Secondly, a massive thank you to my younger sister Spem, who first introduced me to Twilight, and who acts as my constant, if sometimes unwilling, sounding-board for every plot idea I come up with! Cheers my little Spemelina! **_**Now, can you please stop twisting my arm behind my back?**_

**Bless her! :D So, until we meet again, I wish you well! Hosh cha kaluhn!**


	6. Chapter 6 Gifts

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Here's another one. Quite difficult to do this one in an interesting way, when we all know what Bella is only now finding out, but I gave it my best shot.  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 6 - Gifts**

_x_

"_We'll talk about it later." She held out her hand and helped me to my feet. "Come on, those caribou can't be too far off." We set off again, Kate in the lead this time. I followed, hoping desperately I wouldn't cross the scent of another human. I shuddered. Once was enough for today._

_x_

We caught up with the herd of caribou before long, and I fed until I felt bloated. Kate didn't seem to need to feed as much as I did, but she assured me that my excessive thirst was normal for a newborn.

On the way back I kept seeing Kate shooting me furtive glances out of the corner of her eye. I stared straight ahead the whole way, feeling self-conscious. Part of me wondered if she meant what she said earlier, about me having good control, or was she just trying to make me feel better? Was she actually just waiting for me to lose it and run off to massacre a village or something? I shuddered. I couldn't believe I'd lost control like that.

It didn't take us long to get back. When we walked in I was pleased to see Irina sitting on the sofa next to Carmen. I hoped she was OK. Tanya was sat sidewise on the chair with her legs over the armrest, reading a thick novel. As we walked in she looked up briefly and smiled before going back to her book. I could hear Eleazar moving around upstairs.

"How was the trip?" Carmen asked turning round. I glanced at Kate desperately, who had sat down in the other chair and was frowning slightly at nothing. When she didn't respond I turned back to Carmen.

"Um...it was OK..." I didn't really know what to say. Carmen frowned in confusion at my tone, but I avoided her gaze. I knew Kate would want to tell them what had happened, but I wished they didn't have to know. I was so ashamed.

Sure enough, at that moment Kate looked up. "Eleazar, can you come down here a second?" She spoke softly, but I knew he would hear. He was downstairs instantly, and flitted to Carmen's side. He looked at Kate questioningly. Everyone else in the room stared too, glancing between her face and mine. I stared at the floor.

Kate took a deep breath. "Something happened whilst we were hunting." She began, and paused, chewing her lip delicately as if wondering how best to continue. "We were about 5 miles out when we caught the scent of some humans...hikers, I think." She broke off at the gasp from Carmen. I lifted my head instinctively, and instantly regretted it. Irina and Tanya looked disappointed and upset, their mouths set in identical frowns of disapproval. Carmen's look of shock faded when she looked over at me with sympathy in her eyes. Eleazar's brow furrowed and he looked at the floor with his mouth set in a hard line. I quickly looked away again. Various futures ran through my mind. They would ask me to leave. I thought about what I would do now, where I would go. But I had nowhere _to_ go. I thought of myself hiding in the wilderness somewhere forever, miles away from the humans who I was a constant threat to. I mentally shook myself, knowing that pessimism would get me nowhere good.

"No wait, you don't understand." Kate interrupted my scattered thoughts, speaking quickly. "It was amazing. I've never seen anything like it before. I don't know how to describe it..." She trailed off, and I lifted my eyes from the floor once more to find everyone staring at her with puzzled expressions that mirrored my own.

"What do you mean Kate?" Eleazar questioned sharply. Kate took another breath, and looked directly at me whilst she spoke.

"She didn't hunt them. She ran away."

Her words hung in the air as everyone turned towards me. Their looks of awe were almost as bad as the disappointment before. I knew I didn't deserve them.

"No wait...she didn't explain it right..." I began. I had to tell them. They should know what they were letting themselves in for, _if_ they decided to keep me. "I _did_ hunt them. I mean, I started to. I know it was wrong. I'm so sorry but I just... couldn't help it." My voice was a whisper now. "I didn't manage to stop until I'd gone about a mile. It was so close..." I trailed off, unable to say any more. I hoped they could hear the apology in my voice; see it written across my face. I glanced from face to face, expecting disgust and horror, but their expressions hadn't changed. I waited, but no one spoke. "Please say something." I begged.

That's when I heard what, in the circumstances, was one noise I never would have expected. Tanya's face contorted and her bell-like laughter rang through the silent room. As I stared, wide-eyed and confused, the others' expressions changed too. Irina's relaxed into what I could only identify as admiration. Kate smiled weakly with amusement. Carmen stood and came over to me, throwing her arms around me and smiling proudly. I didn't understand. Eleazar was still frowning slightly in thought, but he didn't look angry. Carmen pulled back from the hug, and laughed at my confused expression.

"Oh Bella, you are unbelievable. You really have no idea do you?" Before I could ask what she meant Kate spoke to Eleazar.

"It's not normal, is it? Is it her gift? I've never seen control like that develop naturally." She asked casually.

"That's just the thing. It _isn't_ a gift." Eleazar replied, looking up. "She already _has_ a gift. I think, anyway. This is just...control, I guess. Self-discipline, maybe?" Carmen laughed lightly at him.

"Darling, that frown is beginning to look permanently etched into your forehead. Surely there is a simple enough explanation? Bella must just be exceptionally controlled. Perhaps due to preparation in her human years? It is possible."

"Wait," I interrupt. This wasn't making sense to me. "I don't understand. I chased after the humans. I nearly killed them!" My voice rose by about an octave on the last two words, and I fought to lower my tone. "What do you mean by control?"

Carmen smiled kindly at me. "Well dear_,_ it's just that very few vampires can stop hunting when faced with the scent of pure human blood. It's nearly impossible without years of training, and newborns are particularly lacking in control. But you did stop. You have to understand that this is nearly unheard of in our kind. You did brilliantly!"

I was shocked. I wasn't a monster? Hope swelled in me. Maybe I really could be good at this. Maybe I really could make my existence worthwhile, and not hurt anyone. It was the most I could have asked for out of my new life.

I paused and turned to Eleazar. "What was that you said about gifts?" It had only just registered. He looked up and smiled slightly.

"It's a rather complicated explanation." He said slowly. I waited, unwavering. His smile broadened as he took in my determined expression, and he continued." You see, some vampires, when they are changed, find they have certain talents in their new life, powers, if you like." I thought briefly.

"You mean like Alice and Jasper...?" I said quickly. He nodded.

"Yes. And Edward." I winced slightly at his name, but I knew it would have been worse if I'd have said it myself. Kate's eyes narrowed, intent on my face. I avoided her gaze and struggled to compose my expression, concentrating on Eleazar. "Of course, you're already familiar with their gifts. Kate and I also have...talents." I glanced at Kate, and her face relaxed into a grin.

"I can generate an electrical current over my skin." She said, replying to my un-voiced question. "It causes pain briefly, sort of like a taser-gun to humans. I only use it defensively really. It's useful when I'm trying to get away, or if I get in a fight." I nodded and smiled, turning back to Eleazar. He grinned.

"My gift isn't quite as useful as Kate's." Kate laughed, and I saw Carmen roll her eyes. "I can detect other vampires' gifts, define them. It's occasionally useful when nomads cross our paths." He shrugged. I thought about this.

"So you could tell if I had a gift. Do I?"

"Well that's the unusual thing. I can't really tell." His frown re-materialised. "In fact I can't get any reading on you either way, either for a gift or without one. I think this means you _do _have a gift, but one that stops other's gifts working on you." I was nodding before he had finished.

"I guess it could be something like that. When I was human, Edward..." I took a deep breath and went on quickly, hoping no one had notice me pause at his name, but Kate's piercing gaze had latched on to me again at my hesitation. Oops. "...couldn't read my mind. He said I was the only exception he'd ever come across. But Alice could still see my future, and Jasper could mess around with my emotions." I said, frowning slightly at the latter. Tanya sniggered and even Irina grinned. Eleazar nodded thoughtfully.

"That would mean a purely mental defence. Your gift is technically what we would define as a shield. A shield that specifically protects your mind. I think anyway. It would explain why I can't read you, but there's no way to be sure." I considered this.

"Kate?" I asked hesitantly. She looked up. "How does your gift work? Does it affect people physically or mentally?" Before she could reply Eleazar interrupted.

"Kate's gift is technically mental. She only makes you _think_ you're in pain when you touch her. But I can see where you're going with this, and I wouldn't advise trying it. It can be very painful."

I shook my head stubbornly, and he sighed. "I want to find out. Kate, would you mind?" She frowned slightly, but nodded and got to her feet.

"If you're sure..." she trailed off. I nodded again. "Okay. You just have to touch my palm. I'll keep it on low for you, but it'll still hurt." She warned, and held out her hand. I stepped forward and paused. I hoped this was going to work. I pressed my hand against hers gently and braced myself.

After a few seconds I relaxed, grinning, as Kate's expression changed to a frown. I didn't feel anything. Kate shrugged and stepped away, pouting. We all laughed at her expression.

"Don't worry Kate, you can still electrocute the rest of us." Tanya said grinning. Kate stuck out her tongue at her, and she laughed again. Carmen went and sat back on the sofa, and Eleazar joined her. I stood where I was, a grin plastered on my face. This was the happiest I had felt in a long while. I had a family, I had a gift, and I wasn't a danger to anyone. It was more than I could have ever hoped for.

"I'm going to get cleaned up." I was still messed up from hunting. I turned and flitted up the stairs, still smiling.

_x_

Later that night I sat in my room in the dark, thinking. Carmen and Eleazar were...occupied, and Kate, Tanya and Irina had gone for a drive to Anchorage for some late night shopping. I was struggling to come to terms with the concept that closing times are for those without unlimited money. They'd asked me if I'd wanted to come but I'd politely declined. Shopping wasn't my most enjoyable pastime, and besides, it reminded me too much of Alice. I missed my best friend and sister more than almost anything. Almost. I sighed and pulled myself off the bed. It seemed impossible to avoid these thoughts now.

I looked around my room, wondering what to do. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of a strange, greenish light glinting on the floor. I looked up at one of the skylight windows, searching for the source. The same light was shining through the glass. I pushed the window up and pulled myself through onto the roof.

The view was extraordinary. You could see for miles over the forest. To the left and right of the house were endless mountains, clustered on the horizon. But it was in front of me, to the north, that the most beautiful sight lay.

It was a perfectly clear and cloudless night. Across the sky was a moving curtain of green and purple; iridescent ribbons stretching for miles overhead. The lights wavered and shifted above me, swaying and folding majestically. As I looked closely, I perceived other, more subtle colours and patterns in the spectrum, a complex, weaving tapestry that covered the night sky. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, and I suddenly felt grateful that I could see it through these eyes, picking out every shift and ripple in the moving light. The Aurora Borealis. The lights glinted off the roof as I leant back against the tiles, mesmerized.

I don't know how long I sat there watching it, but eventually the light faded, revealing the starry sky it had obscured. I remained on the roof, staring up at the stars and trying hard not to think.

_x_

**Ooo, Chapter 6 already. Isn't this fun? This Chapter was originally a lot longer, mainly because I couldn't stop writing, but when it got over 3000 words I decided to split it into 2. Besides, too many revelations in one chapter would be overwhelming, don't you agree? ;-) And it was a nice bit of imagery to end on, very pretty.**

**So please, please, **_**please**_** let me know what you think. I really do need honest opinions. I get worried that I'm boring you. Just be honest, and click that lovely little green button over there. Maa al salama!**


	7. Chapter 7 Confessions

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Originally part of Chapter 6, but it just got too long.  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 7 - Confessions**

_x_

_I remained on the roof, staring up at the stars and trying hard not to think._

_x_

Several days passed, and I settled into life with the Denalis. I saw little of Irina; she stayed locked in her room for hours at a time, but she emerged occasionally to hunt or just sit in the living room. Kate and Tanya watched her closely, monitoring her progress, but it seemed to me as if she was getting better over time, and her appearances became more frequent.

I learnt a lot about my new family. Eleazar was a talented musician, and could play the violin beautifully, although I only heard him play once after much coercion from Carmen. Carmen was an artist, spending most of her time painting. She showed me her study, which was more like a gallery. The walls were lined with beautiful pieces of work. There were several of the Aurora Borealis. She noticed my interest and insisted I take one to hang in my room. It was now hung on the western wall, next to the bookcase.

I learnt a bit about their history too. Tanya, Kate and Irina were from Slovakia, and although they weren't biologically related they had been together for centuries, after being created by the same female vampire. They spoke of her as a mother, but became very sad whenever she was mentioned, and I quickly learned not to bring it up. Carmen and Eleazar were both originally from Spain and had joined them more recently, in search of a peaceful lifestyle. Eleazar had once been a member of the Volturi, which I knew from Edward was like a royal family of sorts, a very dangerous one.

.

_"The Volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America"_

.

The reminder had made the hole in my chest ripple with agony, and I had had to excuse myself before Eleazar had finished. I got the rest of the story from him that evening. He had been with the Volturi for years before he had met Carmen whilst away on a mission. A week later he had returned to Italy and told the leader, Aro, that he was leaving. Carmen confided in me that she hadn't liked Eleazar being apart of a coven that waged constant wars, so they had travelled far in search of a peaceful life, until finding the Denali sisters nearly a century ago. They had been together ever since.

To my relief the Cullens had not been mentioned too often. But from the little I heard I gathered they had moved to Ithaca, New York, where Carlisle was teaching at Cornell University. I listened intently whenever their names came up; I couldn't help myself, even though every statement was painful to hear. I tried to hide my reactions, and interest, but every so often I'd see Kate's eyes flicker in my direction. Not only that, but I'd had to excuse myself to my room several times for no apparent reason, which I doubted had gone unnoticed.

On these occasions I would curl up in the middle of my bed, hugging my knees and trying to quieten the dry sobs that seemed so loud in the silence. I would feel breathless, regardless of the fact I didn't need to breathe. It still felt as if parts of me were missing, that I couldn't function, and the feeling was made even more intense by immortality. I had no idea what the Denalis thought, or whether they could even tell if something was wrong. I soon found out.

It was about 5 days after I arrived when the subject was broached. I was hunting, and Kate had volunteered to come with me again. Even though the Denalis had agreed that my self-control was exceptional they still thought it best that someone come with me every time I hunted, just in case. I wasn't going to argue.

We were just finishing up for the day. I'd found a couple of large grizzly bears and was feeling very full once again. I was also quite proud of myself. For the first time I'd managed not to get my clothes completely trashed whilst hunting.

I went to find Kate. She was perched on a large, pointed rock next to a small stream. She looked up as I approached, and smiled.

"Finished?"

"Yep," I grinned. "At least this time I won't have to bin my outfit." She laughed gently, but her eyes were sad.

"Come sit for a minute." She said, gesturing to a spot next to her. I went and sat down, looking at her curiously.

"I wanted to talk to you alone, and I haven't really had a chance yet." She went on.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I said guardedly. She gave me a look, raising one delicate eyebrow.

"I think you know."

I didn't reply. I really didn't want to be having this conversation, but I'd promised to be honest with my new family. I owed them the truth after all they'd done for me. I chewed my lip nervously. Kate watched the conflict in my expression in silence for a few minutes before speaking.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it." Spot-on. "I know that you're trying to hide the fact you're in pain. Every time the Cullens are mentioned you flinch as though you've been stabbed." She continued, and I winced. Apparently I hadn't fooled anyone but myself. "I _have _noticed, you know. I haven't spoken to the others about it yet, but I know they're worried too. We do care about you Bella. I can tell this is difficult for you, but you know it _would_ do you good to talk about it. You're a part of this family now." She waited and I sighed. I wasn't going to be able to avoid this forever. I tightened my arms across my chest to hold myself together, and began to talk.

"Edward and I were...more than close. I loved him. I still do. He said he loved me." If I had been human tears would have been rolling down my face by now, and I'd barely begun. I struggled to speak around the dry sobs that were already raking across my chest. "It was the best time of my life. Even now I can still appreciate that, and I'd never choose to have it another way. All summer..." I trailed off. Kate was watching me intently, sympathy in her expression. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I wanted to be a part of their family, so much. Not just because of...Edward. But the whole family. I loved them all. Alice was my best friend. Esme was like a second mother to me. But they left me." I was really struggling to speak now. And the worst was to come.

"When they...left, Edward stayed behind to tell me goodbye." _To break up with me_, I added mentally. "I hadn't seen the others since my birthday. They never said goodbye, not even Alice." I couldn't speak for a few minutes, consumed by tearless, gasping sobs that shook my entire frame. Kate put an arm around my shoulders and waited patiently.

My voice was a whisper when I spoke next. "He took me out to the woods near my home, so we talk privately. I knew something was wrong. I'd never seen him look at me like that before. He told me..." I was silent for so long that Kate started to worry.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"He told me he didn't love me anymore. That he didn't want me. That I was no good for him." I spoke slowly, my voice barely audible, as if speaking it quietly would lessen the effect those words had on me. I lifted my head and looked directly at Kate. "How could I argue with that? I'd always known that he deserved better than me. That one day he'd leave. I still loved him, with my entire being. But I was only a human. Nothing special." I shrugged and turned away; trying to mask the internal struggle I was locked in to prevent myself from breaking down completely. All the mental walls that had protected me whilst I was human were long since destroyed, and the agony washed over me uninhibited. I fought to stay afloat in the sea of anguish that consumed me.

Kate was silent for a long while. When I looked back at her it was to see a frown on her face. "That idiotic-"

"Please. Don't"

"I'm sorry Bella, but you know he had no right to say those things to you. How _could_ he??? Next time I see him... But leaving you? Why would he do that? What on earth was going through that messed-up head of his? He is such a god damn _idiot_..." I let her rant for a while, grateful for the chance to compose myself.

"So that's why it hurts you, when you hear about the Cullens?" She asked. I shrugged again.

"It hurts to remember, but it would hurt more to forget. My human memories are all I have left of them now, and they're blurry and indistinct. They don't seem _real _anymore_. _Every time the Cullens are mentioned it hurts to be reminded of how they left, but it's worth it. It proves it wasn't my imagination. It proves that they were with me, for however short a time." Kate seemed lost for words, and I gazed out at the forest.

"I'm sorry for making you talk about it Bella." She said suddenly, her voice filled with remorse, and I turned to her surprised. "If I had known how painful it was going to be for you-"

"Kate, it's fine." I interrupted. "_I'm_ fine. You had a right to know, and it's a relief not to have to hide it all the time." She smiled at me briefly, and I smiled back.

"But I don't understand. It doesn't sound like Edward at all. And vampires _can't _leave their mates. Once we fall in love it doesn't change. It's irreversible."

"Then I guess he never loved me." I replied sadly. It wasn't as painful knowing that as I thought it would have been. I'd already suspected it. I was only ever a distraction after all. Kate looked like she was about to say something, but stopped. We sat in silence for a while, and then she stood up.

"Come on, we best get back. Otherwise the others will think we've been eaten by grizzlies." She grinned and I giggled, getting to my feet.

"Are you going to tell the others?" I asked, unable to keep the worry out of my tone. Kate shrugged dismissively.

"Probably not. They don't have to know. Besides, it would piss Tanya off royally." I tilted my head inquiringly. "She used to have a bit of a thing for Edward. Got turned down so many times it lost all meaning." She laughed. I was surprised at how angry that made me, but I quickly bottled it up. It shouldn't matter to me if Tanya was in love with Edward. He wasn't mine now.

Kate started running back towards the house, and I followed, deep in thought. We didn't speak on the way back. I found that I was actually relieved to have been able to talk to someone about everything without keeping secrets, knowing they would understand most of it. And at least it meant if the Cullens ever did show up Kate would understand if I kept out of their way.

I was so deep in thought that I nearly crashed into Kate when she stopped abruptly about a quarter of a mile from the house. I looked at her to see her eyes widened in surprise as they flickered to me, then back to the trees in front of her. Before I could ask what had made her stop she was off again, running faster this time. I followed anxiously. As we broke through the last of the trees into the clearing that surrounded the house I stopped dead, frozen. The scents ahead finally reached me. The scents, not of four vampires, but of ten.

_x_

**Cliffhanger! Yay! I quite enjoyed writing this bit. It really gives you an in-depth view of Bella's character. Plus I like Kate. She kicks ass. :)**

**2 chapters in one day, wow, I must be bored! Ok, so Chapter 8 will take a while to write, for the obvious reason that this is left on the mother-of-all-cliffhangers. Bear with me. I'm not going to try and coerce you into reviews this time. I do honestly feel bad about the last time, plus SOME people are smarter than me and cheated. So please, review if you honestly believe this story deserves voiving your opinion. Or message me or whatever. I just like hearing from people. Au revoir for now!**


	8. Chapter 8 Reunion

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**A lot of waffling really, but necessary in the long run.  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 8 - Reunion**

_x_

_As we broke through the last of the trees into the clearing that surrounded the house I stopped dead, frozen. The scents ahead finally reached me. The scents, not of four vampires, but of ten._

_x_

_No,_ I thought, _no, no, no, no, NO! _This could not be happening. There must be some other explanation. My whole body froze, locking down for impact. My mind raced, trying to find some alternative to what was staring me in the face. But I knew there wasn't one. _No_. I had only just got settled in. I was apart of a _family._ And now they'd all know. Because they'd finally turned up.

The Cullens.

The hole in my chest ripped wide open, as if merely thinking the name made it final. _No. _I couldn't handle it again. They couldn't leave me again! Not again!

Kate stopped halfway towards the house and looked back at me as I sucked in a ragged breath. Fear, panic, sympathy, worry; all those emotions flitted across her face in a matter of seconds. I had no idea what my own face looked like.

"Stay here." She whispered hurriedly, and she ran through the front door. I could hear her talking in the front room, but I couldn't focus, couldn't make out the words. It felt as if the trees were spinning around me. _No._

I had to get out of here. Now. I couldn't do this. I couldn't face them. Any of them. And I couldn't make them deal with this. _I _couldn't put _them_ through this. I wouldn't make them chose again. I had to leave. _Now._

I turned towards the trees quickly, away from the house that I now called home. But I hadn't even taken one step before a voice rang out from the front porch. The voice of someone I loved.

"_Don't you dare Bella!"_

I froze again, my back still to the house. Whatever determination I had left had drained out of me as soon as I heard that voice. I scrunched my eyes tight shut, and turned round. I was afraid to open them. I was afraid that this was a dream. And I was afraid that it wasn't.

I opened my eyes.

Before I knew it I was running across the clearing, slamming into someone who met me halfway.

"_Alice_." I was sobbing and so was she. "Alice, oh Alice. I...missed you...so...much." I could barely form coherent sentences. _It was Alice. She was here._

"Bella, I'm...so sorry...We...should have....never..." She trailed off, struggling to speak as we hugged each other tightly, sobbing into each other shoulders. _Alice. My sister. My friend._

I heard a gasp from the front porch and stiffened, looking towards the house. Alice released me, and turned too, a smug grin on her face. They were all there, with identical looks of shock on their faces. No, not all of them. I scanned the line twice, as panic gripped me. _He wasn't there._ Was he OK? What had happened? I couldn't stop the thoughts that raced through my head. I looked desperately to Alice for information, the panic in my expression poorly concealed. She smiled at me reassuringly, and pulled herself up to my ear.

"He's fine." She whispered, and I relaxed slightly. I looked back towards the house and felt an unnatural wave of calm settle over me. I started with the direction I suspected it came from. Jasper, standing on the end of the line, his eyes flickering between me and Alice. He understood my gaze and grinned. My eyes kept moving. Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, even Rosalie.

_My family_. They would always be my family, even when I wasn't theirs. I savoured all their faces, committing them to my new memory. The only memories I had had left before now had been my human ones, blurry, dimmed by time. I'd clung to them, thinking I'd never be able to replace them with new ones, but I realised now that they'd never done them justice.

Carlisle was the first to speak, stepping forward. "Bella, this is...a surprise." Emmett snorted. Behind him I saw the Denalis file silently out of the door, watching anxiously. No one else seemed to know what to say. We all stood there frozen as the awkward silence lengthened.

"Aw, what the hell!" I could barely blink before I found myself in a bone-crushing hug as Emmett dashed forward and literally yanked me off my feet. "It's great to see you Bella!"

I giggled, and it felt strange to be able to laugh so freely. "I missed you too Emmett!" I hugged him back. As he set me back on my feet we were surrounded by the rest of the family. Esme was the next to pull me into a hug.

"Bella, we've all missed you. We're sorry..." I pulled back quickly, giving her a stern look.

"Esme, stop right there. You have nothing to be sorry about. None of you do." I tried to imply that I didn't blame _any_ of the Cullens. Esme opened her mouth but I interrupted quickly. "It's fine. Really. None of this is your fault." She pulled me into another hug, sobbing tearlessly. Carlisle put one hand one my shoulder, smiling, and behind Esme I saw Rosalie give a weak smile, which I returned just as nervously. Jasper had his arms round Alice's waist and was grinning. This was an achievement as Alice was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. As I straightened up again I saw the Denalis approaching slowly, smiles on their faces, and I knew they were happy to see me happy. Only Kate's eyes bore any indication of worry, and when our eyes met I tried to convey that I was fine, for now. She still looked concerned, and I could guess why. Deep down, I was too. I had no idea how this would affect me in the long run. But I'd take it, whatever the consequences.

When all the reunions had finished, and I had hugged everyone at least twice, Carlisle spoke.

"Bella, how did this happen?"

Everyone's faces went serious immediately, but I just smiled lightly, trying to hide the tension I felt. "Why don't we go inside?" I met Kate's eyes and grinned. "It's rather a long story."

_x_

Everyone got seated in the living room. This did involve Emmett bringing down the sofa from the first floor landing, and Carmen and Kate fetching a few armchairs from around the house. I declined a chair and sat on the floor by the fireplace, my eyes down as everyone got settled. I was starting to wonder how this was going to end. I would be a fool if I thought that there'd be a happy ending around the corner. I couldn't let myself hope for that. It would only hurt more when they left me again. I had to keep my distance, emotionally at least. Or try to.

"Bella?" I looked up. Alice gave me an encouraging smile. I returned it hesitantly and glanced round to see everyone staring at me expectantly. If I was human I would have blushed. I still didn't like being the centre of attention. I chewed my lip nervously.

"Ask away." That was easier than starting myself. Again, Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Who changed you Bella?" Well, that was to-the-point at least. _Distance_, I reminded myself silently. I took a deep breath and replied without tone or emphasis.

"Laurent." There were several hisses and intakes of breath, but I ignored them. "He came across me whilst I was hiking... about ten days ago now, I guess. He was thirsty..." At the word "hiking" Alice shot me a sharp look, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. I avoided her gaze and stared at a painting on the wall, my voice trailing off into silence. It was one Carmen had painted, I could tell by the style. It was of a meadow, though not one I recognised from around here. It seemed a logical focal point for my thoughts.

"Do you know why he...stopped?" Carlisle again. I looked back at him impassively, and then glanced to Irina, my calm facade faltering. She met my gaze and nodded for me to continue. I looked back to Carlisle.

"Not really. I wasn't exactly paying attention." I added sarcastically. I saw Esme wince at my tone and instantly felt ashamed. I couldn't hurt them. That wasn't the plan. I took a deep breath and continued, trying to lighten my tone. "I did see several large shapes. I thought they were animals. The Denalis have a theory." I nodded towards Carmen and the others. "They believe Laurent was attacked by werewolves." I spoke quietly, my eyes flickering to Irina's now rigid form. Tanya put her arm around her sister and smiled sadly at me. Irina stared at the floor. I stopped talking again, afraid to inflict more emotional damage.

Carlisle noticed my distraction, and his eyes took in Irina's reaction. He was bright enough to make the connection and change the subject. I was grateful.

"You found Tanya's family?"

I nodded. "I didn't know where else to go. I thought as a newborn I'd be too dangerous, and I didn't want...didn't want to hurt people." I had been about to say "I didn't want to be alone again", but I was causing enough damage already without adding a guilt-trip to the pile. Thankfully Eleazar interjected at this point.

"I should add that as a newborn she has remarkable control. I've never seen anything like it. In her first week she came across human scents on two separate occasions whilst hunting. In both instances she resisted and ran away. One of these occasions was only two days after her transformation." All the Cullens were staring at me in astonishment again. There was no doubt that I'd be blushing by now if possible. Jasper's mouth was actually hanging open in shock. Alice was also amazed, and I had to suppress a giggle. How many times did _that_ happen?

As I took in their expressions I was reminded why I could never blame them for leaving me, and why even now I couldn't help but hope for my happy ending. It was the same reason that meant I hadn't been able to think about them without breaking into pieces. I loved them all, so much. And I could never find it in myself to be angry at them for what I'd been through. It was my own emotions that brought me pain, not them. And so I'd bear it. I had to.

I smiled to myself, and it seemed to break the stillness that had descended on the room. There was nothing like a group of vampires for staying completely still. Carmen stood up.

"I suppose you would all like to get settled?" she asked, smiling warmly. With that everyone else got to their feet, except for Tanya and Irina, who was still staring at the floor. I saw Alice and Jasper exchange a quick glance full of silent communication. As Jasper looked away again he saw me staring and grinned.

"Actually I could do with hunting. It was a long journey. Coming Emmett? Rosalie? They both nodded and all three sped out of the front door. Carlisle and Esme were thanking the Denalis. Alice grabbed my hand and started towing me upstairs, a large suitcase in her other hand.

"Come on, Bella. You can help me unpack." She said, racing up the stairs. That reminded me.

"Oh, Alice, sorry, I've been staying in your room. I hope you don't mind. I'll move out now of course." I said quietly. She laughed. We were on the second floor by now, and she pushed open the door to her room. Inside were a further six suitcases. _Typical Alice,_ I thought, rolling my eyes, but the sight made me smile.

"Of course I don't mind Bella. You're more than welcome to use it any time you like. Although why you'd need to I have no idea. Oh well, you can use Edward's room now. And you'll be right next door to me! And-"

I interrupted sharply. "Alice, I'm not using Edward's room." His name ripped its way out of me, causing the usual flutter of pain, and I winced. Alice turned round from the suitcase she was now rummaging in and shot me a look at my tone, but something about my expression seemed to stop her from pursuing the matter further. Her face softened, and she sat down on the bed. I went and sat next to her.

"How are you Bella? I mean _really,_ how are you?" She asked. I sighed.

"Not brilliant. But I'm getting better." It wasn't really a lie. Opening up to Kate had taken a lot of the weight off. It was still as painful as ever, but at least it wasn't something I had to keep hidden. Alice sighed.

"I'm so sorry Bella. _We're _sorry. We should have been there for you. You shouldn't have been alone. It shouldn't have happen." I was already shaking my head before she finished.

"It wasn't your fault Alice." She opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off. "_Really._ I don't blame any of you. It's not like I expected you to be there as my bodyguards forever..." I tried to make a joke of it, but her face fell, and I realised what she would have heard in those words. "Alice," I began quietly, "It's OK. I don't need to know why you left. Whatever the reason, I don't mind. I don't want any of you to feel guilty or indebted to me, or anything like that." I paused, thinking of how to phrase it. "I just appreciated the time I had with you guys. I can never thank you enough for that." I hesitated again. I wanted to tell her how much I had missed her, but I didn't want to make her feel bad. Just then Alice let out a huge dry sob.

"No Alice! Please listen!" I was horrified, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you upset!"

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry," I tried to stop her, but she held up a hand, "Please let me talk. Bella, you are the most caring, forgiving, all-round _good_ person I've ever met. You should hate us by now. We left you, and you were attacked, and we weren't there to help. And we _should_ have been there."

"No, Alice, of course not-"

"But we should have been! Bella, you're our family, you always have been and always will be." I didn't know what to say. "Bella, we didn't _want_ to leave!"

We both sat there in silence for a minute, whilst I struggled to process that. I shook my head trying to clear it, but it still wasn't making sense.

"But why...why wouldn't you want to leave?" I whispered. Alice snorted.

"God I'm going to kill him!" I froze and tried desperately to ignore who she was talking about. "How could he do this? Look at what it's done to you! Why won't you believe me?" She looked at me pleadingly with her large, golden eyes. "Bella, please believe me. You're like a sister to me, and that's never going to change."

I looked at her, and couldn't doubt the sincerity in her eyes. I threw my arms round her and hugged her tightly. I had my sister back.

_x _

**Awwww! Alice is back! I love Alice. Too soppy? But this is only the beginning! Not a lot of action in this or the next chapter I'm afraid; we need to get the heart-to-heart talks sorted first. But still, stay tuned, I never know exactly what I'm going to write until I write it.**

**On that subject, I keep reading back over my work (never a good idea) and can't help finding so many bits that could be changed or embellished. I get the feeling the story's going too fast to fit. You see, I'm trying to make it as if it really could be slotted into New Moon, and take over seamlessly. Of course, I can never rival Stephenie Meyer, but why argue with what works? But if my story is going too fast, then the flow would be wrong and wouldn't fit in, if you get me? What do you think? That is, if you can even understand my convulsed sentencing.**

**Oh well. I'm visiting relatives this weekend, and it's my birthday on Monday, so the next update might take slightly longer. Until then, namárië!**


	9. Chapter 9 Truth

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**My bad, guys! I really did mean to update before this, but I was busy, then I got distracted, then I was too tired, and so on until 2 weeks had passed :( **

**You see, I do all my writing at night, generally between 11pm and 3am, when I can't be disturbed, but my best friend has been house-sitting alone for her parents and gets freaked out in the house by herself, so I've been doing a lot of sleepovers. Which then results in me being super tired on every day I get to myself, so I can't be bothered to write. Then when I finally do decide to write, I get distracted easily. Like right now, by the fact that there are purple clouds outside my window. Seriously, proper purple clouds? Nature is so weird sometimes. And there's a patch of trees I can see that are pretty much the embodiment of Forks, or how I'd imagine it. At least they are if you use pinhole vision and cut out the surrounding houses etc...........**

**Ok, enough excuses! And rambling. Apologies again, and here's the next chapter, even if it's a slightly more scatter-brained chapter than average!**

_x_

**Chapter 9 – Truth**

_x_

"_Bella, we didn't __want__ to leave!"_

_We both sat there in silence for a minute, whilst I struggled to process that. I shook my head trying to clear it, but it still wasn't making sense._

"_But why...why wouldn't you want to leave?" I whispered. Alice snorted._

"_God I'm going to kill him!" I froze and tried desperately to ignore who she was talking about. "How could he do this? Look at what it's done to you! Why won't you believe me?" She looked at me pleadingly with her large, golden eyes. "Bella, please believe me. You're like a sister to me, and that's never going to change."_

_I looked at her, and couldn't doubt the sincerity in her eyes. I threw my arms round her and hugged her tightly. I had my sister back._

_x_

I broke apart from the hug after a few minutes and smiled weakly. Alice beamed back and leapt up off the bed to continue unpacking. I remained seated as we chatted about inconsequential things. She filled me in on what her family had been doing since they'd left, and I told her about my short time as a vampire. We avoided talking about my human life since she'd last seen me. It was still a very painful memory for me and I think Alice knew that, or could at least see how any conversation would play out.

She also told me about the why the Cullens were in Denali.

"Well, we were going to visit for Spring Break anyway. We stayed here briefly in September when...well, you know..." She looked uncomfortable for a minute, but went on. "We hadn't seen them since then, and this was the only time Carlisle could get off work for a while. Anyway, last week they asked me to check to see if the Denalis were free, and if there would be any problems with visiting." She laughed. "Well, you can imagine how confused everyone was when I started bouncing round the room squealing. I frightened the life out of Jasper; my emotions were all over the place! I didn't tell them I'd seen you though, not even Jazz. I wanted it to be a surprise!" I smiled. Typical Alice. "But when we got here you were out with Kate, and when Kate came back alone Jasper couldn't understand why I was so confused. So I looked for your future, and saw you about to run off!" She turned to glare at me. "How could you do that Bella? We travel all this way and as soon as you know we're here you try to run away." I laughed.

"Alice, I didn't know what to do. I had no idea how you guys would react to me turning up as a vampire." She huffed, and then turned back to me.

"Oh, and what's all this rubbish about hiking?" It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about. I chewed my lip nervously as I thought back to my meeting with Laurent. "Come on, Bella, you _never_ hike. You're not exactly an outdoors-type of person." She snorted, and I smiled weakly.

"Well, I _was_ hiking, Alice. So there. I even got hiking boots." I stuck my tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes.

"_Where_ were you hiking to?" I paused, but I think she'd already guessed the answer.

"I was looking for...Edward's meadow." Alice sighed.

"Bella, that was-"

"I know, alright? It was stupid. Can we drop it now?" I asked desperately. Alice glared at me, indicating that this was not over, but changed the subject. We continued to catch up on each other's lives. I didn't really have much to say.

"Alice?" I asked hesitantly during a break in the conversation. She looked up from the drawer she was rummaging through. I paused, but I had to know. "Where is he?" She knew who I was talking about.

"At the moment? Brazil I think." She said nonchalantly, avoiding my gaze. She didn't seem inclined to say any more, but I persevered.

"Why isn't he with you?"

She sighed, seeming reluctant to answer. "He hasn't been since September. He said he wanted to be alone." She hesitated, seeming to consider her next sentence. "He...didn't cope very well."

I frowned in confusion. "With what? What do you mean?" She finally met my gaze, a look of incredulity crossing her features.

"Leaving you, of course. He was a mess. He didn't hunt for a month, never left his room...." She continued to speak, but I didn't hear the rest. My mind was buzzing. What was she talking about? Why would he be upset over _that_? There must have been some other cause.

"Bella? _Bella?_" Alice waved her hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention, and I snapped back to the conversation at hand.

I plastered a blank expression on my face to hide the turmoil inside, and shook my head slowly. "Alice, that can't be the reason. What else upset him?" Alice stared at me in amazement.

"Bella, you are so _blind_. Don't you have any idea how much he loves you?" At that point my mind shut down completely, retreating to some subconscious level to protect itself against words that couldn't possibly be true. I continued to shake my head mechanically. I wouldn't let myself believe those words. I wouldn't let myself hope for the impossible. Not again.

Alice sighed at my expression. "Oh, never mind. Maybe he'll be able to convince you. Although he's got a lot of grovelling to do, if you ask me. After leaving you like that, and _lying_ to you – that reminds me, I should probably call him now-" That caught my attention, and my eyes widened.

"No Alice." She frowned. "You can't call him. I don't want him to know." Alice let out a huff of exasperation.

"But Bella, he's going to find out eventually. Next time he sees one of us he'll hear it in our minds, even if we don't say anything."

"I don't care." I insisted stubbornly, "I don't want him to feel obligated to return. I don't want him to feel sorry for me." Part of me was screaming in resistance at this point. In reality I wanted nothing more than to see him again, even briefly. But nothing was worth seeing that look of disinterest on his face again... "Please Alice. After all, I didn't let the Denalis call you guys when I got here..." I trailed off as Alice's face fell and my mind caught up with my mouth. "Alice, I'm sorry. I just didn't want you guys to feel bad."

"Bella, we _should_ feel bad. We never should have left you like that, regardless of Edward's decision." I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off. "Bella, you need to accept that you're part of the family. You always have been." I gave in and smiled slightly. Alice smiled back and then changed the subject with unusual tact. "Now, I _have _to take you shopping! Some of the clothes in here are sooooo outdated, and you don't even have your own wardrobe!" I grinned and lay back on the bed with my eyes closed as Alice continued to chatter about her shopping plans. Some things never changed.

_x_

Over the next few days life gradually settled down once again. The Cullens were staying for two weeks before Carlisle had to head back for work. Alice and Esme had subtly hinted that I was welcome to come live with them when the time came, but so far they hadn't said anything outright, and I hadn't made my decision. They would always be my true family, but I already had a life here with the Denalis. They'd been very good to me. I owed them so much, and in any case I didn't want to be around when Edward came back. I wondered several times about the real reason why he wasn't with his family, but quickly learnt not to bring it up. I refused to believe Alice's insistence that he loved me and missed me. I wasn't foolish enough to indulge _that_ fantasy.

I didn't have a room anymore so I spent most nights wandering around the mountainside. Carmen, Esme and Alice had all tried to persuade me to take Edwards room, but I refused. I could imagine his face when discovering that his bedroom had been offered up to accommodate his ex-girlfriend, and knew it wasn't worth it. I had however taken down the painting Carmen had given me, and after much thought had hung it back in her study, hoping she wouldn't mind. Occasionally, when everyone else was busy, I just sat in the study and stared at it, trying to lose myself in the complex layers of colour.

Despite the return of my family, and my new-found confidence in the fact that they did care for me, I tried to spend as much time as possible away from the house, wandering on my own. I knew that this caused Kate, Carmen and Tanya especially to worry about me, but in truth I was having far too much difficulty trying to sort through my conflicted emotions to be able to keep up a cheerful facade. Besides, the look on Jasper's face every time I walked in a room was excruciating. I didn't want anyone to be able to feel what I was going through. It was too painful.

Yes, my family was back, and hadn't abandoned me, but the hole in my chest hadn't faded. I still wasn't whole and happy. There was still a large part of me missing, and seeing the Cullens just served as a permanent reminder. I spent a large amount of my time with my eyes closed, somewhere in the middle of a forest, trying to reconstruct the mental walls that had enabled me to function properly as a human. I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never be whole again, but trying to live with that realisation was...difficult.

I came back to house one day to find it mainly empty. I could hear Carmen and Esme in the study talking softly and Emmett on a video game upstairs. I wandered into the kitchen to find Rosalie leaning against a counter, chewing her lip nervously. She looked up as I walked in.

"Oh Bella, there you are! I wanted to talk to you."

I stood there, taken aback. Rosalie had been tentatively polite since arriving here; a change that I was still struggling to adjust to. When I was human she'd made it no secret that she disliked me intensely, and in truth I'd been more than a little afraid of her. I mentally shook myself. A lot of things had changed since then.

"Sure, what's up?"

She hesitated. I'd never seen her look so unsure of herself. She usually seemed so full of confidence; unsurprisingly, considering her breath-taking beauty.

"I...owe you an apology." I blinked. I don't know what I'd expected, but it wasn't this. "I was horrible to you last year. I'm sorry. My behaviour was unacceptable." Her words were stilted and she sounded embarrassed. She looked up. "I owe you an explanation." I didn't reply. I didn't really know what to say, but she took my silence as permission to continue.

"You see, part of it was jealousy." That shocked me. What on earth could make _Rosalie_ jealous of _me_? She saw my confusion and continued quickly. "I...never wanted this. I never wanted this life. I wanted to grow old, and have children, and..." She drew a ragged breath, trying to compose herself. "I wanted to be human. So badly. I would have done anything to trade places with you. But you never seemed to appreciate it. You wanted to be immortal. You would have willingly thrown away everything I longed for, and... it made me mad." She paused, trying to control the tirade of angry words. "I'm sorry. I thought I could do this calmly. But I guess none of that matters now. We're both stuck like this, for better or worse. I just thought you deserved to know why I was so horrible." She shrugged. My mind was racing as I sought for something to say.

"I'm sorry Rosalie. I never wanted to make you feel bad. I should have never intruded on your family." I said formally, but Rosalie shook her head.

"They're your family now too. No one's been the same since we left you. You've been a part of this family since the day Edward fell in love with you, and I should have realised that." I sucked in a sharp breath. I didn't need reminding of Edward's lies. Rosalie looked at me sharply.

"He loves you, you know." I looked away, refusing to listen. "I know you don't believe it. I know you think Alice is lying to try and make you feel better, but it's the truth." She paused, but I continued to avoid her gaze. "But I also know that he's the only one who can tell you that. No one else's words matter." I looked up to see her smiling slightly. I smiled back in relief.

"Thank you Rosalie. And thanks for letting me know what you were thinking. I don't blame you."

"Thanks Bella." She smiled once more, and walked to the door. I turned away, but then she spoke again. "Bella?"

"Yes?" I turned to find her paused in the doorway, glancing back at me.

"Just bear it in mind, ok? He _does _love you, and if you look hard enough then everything that convinces you otherwise has love at its roots." I froze, but before I could respond she had left. I shook my head and headed back to the sitting room. I didn't know what to believe anymore.

_x_

**Isn't she stubborn? Once again, my sincerest apologies for how long this chapter took, and I promise the next one will take no where near as long! Alright, so it definitely wasn't worth 2 weeks waiting, but I had to get in a lot of emotion and over-thinking before the next chapter. Which I promise won't be as boring. So thank you for your patience, and let me know what you think. Ciao!**


	10. Chapter 10 Promises

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Hi again! Make way for the next chapter!  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 10 - Promises**

_x_

"_Bella?"_

"_Yes?" I turned to find her paused in the doorway, glancing back at me._

"_Just bear it in mind, ok? He __does __love you, and if you look hard enough then everything that convinces you otherwise has love at its roots." I froze, but before I could respond she had left. I shook my head and headed back to the sitting room. I didn't know what to believe anymore._

_x_

Time continued to pass too quickly. I spent time with all the members of my family, trying to make the most of their company as the end of Spring Break approached. Alice dragged me shopping on several occasions, ecstatic that my exceptional self-control meant I could survive trips to malls without it resulting in a bloodbath. I didn't complain. I still didn't share her enthusiasm with clothes, but was grateful to spend time with her regardless. Back home I spent my time helping Esme plan a conversion of a seventeenth century house she was renovating near Ithaca, and competing with Emmett on various video games, something I was getting pretty good at. On those occasions I was closer to happiness than I'd been in a long time, and Jasper would join us, Alice on his lap and a look of relief on his face. I felt bad that he had to suffer when I was unhappy. I was isolating him from his family.

Two days before the Cullens were due to leave Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Kate, Irina and Tanya all went on an extended hunting trip. I declined despite Alice's begging, stating that I didn't feel confident hunting outside the area just yet. Esme and Carmen were packing upstairs, and I went to speak to Carlisle. I found him in the study discussing current hospital practices with Eleazar.

"Carlisle, could I speak to you in private for a moment?" I asked with an apologetic glance at Eleazar.

"That's fine; I really should be helping Carmen." He smiled and darted out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Carlisle smiled and sat down in one of the armchairs against the bookcase. I pulled up another chair and sat opposite him, clasping my hands nervously.

"What can I do for you Bella?" he asked. I decided to get straight to the point.

"I have a favour to ask of you. I am assuming it is likely that at some point in the near future you will speak to Edward?" I had fully rehearsed what I was going to ask, so saying Edward's name didn't invoke the sharp pang of loss that usually accompanied it.

"He checks in from time to time. Only Alice knows when really. I believe he is currently in South Africa, so a visit is unlikely, but he does phone occasionally." Carlisle replied. I nodded thoughtfully.

"I would... appreciate it if you didn't mention anything to him about me, if possible. I don't want him to know that I've been changed, or my current whereabouts." Carlisle leant forward, clasping his hands, his face serious now.

"That is an unusual request, and a serious one, asking us, as a family, to lie to Edward. He deserves to know after all. Might I ask why?"

I took a deep breath. I knew that I what I was asking was unreasonable, and I felt awful, but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

"I think it would cause him unnecessary worry and guilt if he knew. Not to mention the fact that he is certain to be annoyed that I am staying with his extended family, after going to such lengths to cut me out of his life." Carlisle didn't reply. "I know I'm asking a lot. I also know that if you see him in person then it will be difficult it keep it from him anyway. But I'm not asking you to lie. I just don't want you to mention it unless absolutely necessary. I don't think it's something he'll want to know." Carlisle opened his mouth to speak then, but I held up a hand. "Please, let me finish. I have to respect Edward's wishes. He ...doesn't want me in his life anymore, and I don't want to force the matter on him." I took another breath to calm myself. Those words hurt even after constant mental repetition. Carlisle sighed.

"Well Bella, of course I will respect your wishes. I promise I will not mention anything to Edward. And I will ask the family to do the same. But I do think you're wrong. This is something he would wish to know."

I smiled sadly. "Thank you Carlisle. But some things have to come to an end. I care about Edward enough to honour his decision." I was relieved. I knew by now that I wasn't strong enough to see Edward again, whatever the circumstances, just to have him leave me again. What I was feeling now with the Cullens had taught me that much.

"You know Esme is going to ask you to join us? You would be more than welcome." I looked up to see the sadness in Carlisle's eyes.

"I know. And you will never believe how truly grateful I am for the offer. You will always be my family. But you're Edward's too, and I won't intrude on that. I already have a life here with the Denalis. When the time comes, I'll go my own way." _When Edward finds out,_ I added mentally, "Until then I need to stay here. But thank you, for the kindness you have all shown me, and for being there for me, as a family." I stood up to leave and Carlisle mirrored my movement. He sighed.

"Please come visit us Bella. You will always be a part of this family, just as much as Edward is." We shook hands and I left the study.

_x_

Two days later I stood in the hallway, watching Alice bring the last of her bags downstairs. Everyone was gathered to say goodbye to the Cullens. Emmett picked up the bags and took them out to the car, reappearing in a flash as everyone hugged each other in farewell. After everyone had said their goodbyes Alice turned to me.

"Please Bella, won't you come with us?" She begged, but from the look on her face I knew that she already knew the answer. Jasper placed one arm round her shoulder as I shook my head.

"One day Alice, I promise. Just not yet. I love you guys, but I need to do my own thing for a bit. I'll miss you though."

Alice nodded in resignation and then threw her arms round my waist. I hugged her back, on the brink of breaking down completely. She straightened up, shot me one last sad smile, and followed the rest of the Cullens out the door. Everyone filed outside, but Jasper hung back and grabbed my arm. I glanced curiously at him, but he waited until everyone had gone before speaking.

"Bella, I just wanted to apologise, before we left. For what happened on your birthday. It's my fault Edward decided to leave." I could feel the remorse he was unconsciously emitting, but was already shaking my head, a smile on my face.

"Jasper, I never blamed you, and especially don't now. Remember, I now know exactly how difficult it is to deal with what happened on my birthday. It wasn't your fault. The important thing is that you stopped."

"Bella, I tried to eat you!" he said desperately. I shook my head again.

"But you didn't. And it isn't your fault Edward left. That was his decision, no one else's." I said firmly. I wouldn't have Jasper taking that guilt upon himself. He still looked unconvinced, but I smiled and gave him a brief hug.

"I'll miss you Jasper. All of you. I'll come visit soon." He hugged me back, and we drew apart smiling. We went outside to join the others. The cars were all packed and everyone was standing in front of them waiting for me and Jasper. Alice shot me a grateful smile, which I returned.

I went to stand with the Denalis as everyone else climbed into Rosalie's BMW and Carlisle's Mercedes. The last glimpse I got was of Alice waving furiously out of the rear window of Carlisle's car before they drove round the bend and out of sight.

I was vaguely aware that Kate had her arm round my shoulders and Carmen grasped my left hand as they led me back inside. I realised I was trembling. Kate led me to the sofa and sat me down as I stared blindly in front of me. I felt the couch move as she sat down next to me, but that was the last thing I took in before the dry, tearless sobs burst through my lips and I was overwhelmed with pain. They were gone. Again.

_x_

It was a few hours until I resurfaced from whatever level of despair I had submerged myself in. Kate hadn't left my side in all that time. As the sobs quietened down my mind began to clear and I could think straight. I realised that this pain was only an echo of the pain I felt before. Yes, they had left, but they loved me and they had said goodbye. It wasn't really their departure that had me so upset. It was just that it reminded me of last September, when my world stopped. I wondered if I'd ever fully recover from the pain of it, but something told me I was getting better, especially now that part of my life was restored.

I looked up. The room was empty apart from Kate, who was smiling sadly at me. I opened my mouth to ask but she cut me off.

"They've gone hunting. I convinced them that you wouldn't want an audience." I smiled gratefully.

"I'm sorry. But it's OK now. I'm fine." She raised an eyebrow sceptically. I shrugged. "Ok, maybe not fine, but I've definitely been through worse than this. At least this time I know I'll see them again." I smiled, trying to reassure her, but she still looked worried.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want? Why didn't you go with them? We wouldn't have minded, you know."

"I know. But they were his family first. I'm not going to drive him out. I owe him that much for the time he gave me."

"You don't owe him _anything,_ Bella. And if he can't deal with you being a part of the family then he'll have to learn." We were silent for a moment.

"Thanks for staying with me." I said quietly. Kate squeezed my hand and grinned.

"What are sisters for?"

_x_

Time passed, slower now, but always moving. Over a month went by after the Cullens departure with nothing remarkable happening. I was much less depressed after their visit, and I knew the Denalis were pleased to see me happy. Eleazar had arranged for some fake documents to be made for me, including exam certificates so that I could go to college in September.

Over the months that passed I found ways to fill my time. Kate was trying to teach me to extend my mental shield, after Eleazar had suggested that it might be possible for me to shield others around me. It was challenging to say the least, and wasn't going very quickly. Kate seemed to have endless patience, but we quickly ran out of volunteers who were willing to stand and be shocked by Kate whilst I tried weakly to shield them using nothing but willpower. It did work, sometimes, but I would lose it after a few minutes. It frustrated me, having nothing solid to work with or aim for, and I found my lack of progress discouraging. Kate insisted I was doing well, especially for my age, but no matter how hard I strained my mind I couldn't control my shield.

Other times, when no one would volunteer or Kate was busy, I received fighting lessons from various members of my family. It was agreed by all the Denalis that I should know how to fight properly, in case I ever came across other vampires. This was also difficult, but I enjoyed it immensely. It was good to have an outlet for my strength, which was still vastly superior to any mature vampire, due to the human blood still in my system from my change. Everyone took turns at teaching me different moves, but Eleazar and Tanya taught me the most.

Alice called about once a week to let me know what everyone was up to. Rosalie and Emmett had left for another honeymoon at the end of May, and Esme finished her house. June began. Term was coming to an end and Carlisle would soon be finished teaching. On June 6th Alice rang me to let me know that she and Jasper would be visiting that weekend, as Jasper had just finished his Philosophy studies. To say I was looking forward to it would have been an understatement.

Saturday came and I was bursting with excitement at the prospect of seeing Alice again. I couldn't sit still for more than two minutes at a time. Finally Tanya laughed at me as I flitted from one side of the living room to the other.

"For god's sake Bella, go for a run or something. You're driving me nuts!" she said from her spot on the sofa, grinning widely. Kate, sat in the armchair, laughed and I could hear Irina giggling upstairs. I stuck my tongue out at her, smiling in return, but went outside anyway. I could probably do with a run to calm me down.

I set off at a steady pace through the woods. I caught the scent of a herd of deer nearby but ignored it. I had hunted yesterday. My eyes had nearly lost their crimson colouring now, and looked brown. Not the same brown I had as a human, but I still preferred them to the blood red irises that I'd had for the last few months.

I had travelled about 5 miles when a ringing noise cut through the silence. I sighed, and pulled from my pocket the sleek, black cell phone that Alice had mailed me about a week after she had returned to New York, pre-programmed with everyone's number. I wouldn't usually accept something like it, but as soon as it had arrived she had rang me on it, much to my surprise. The smugness in her voice was easy to detect as she told me there was no point in trying to send it back, and that she had already foreseen me losing the argument. I giggled at the memory.

I flipped the phone open and checked the caller ID. _Alice_. No surprises there. But wait, wasn't she meant to be on a plane? I hit the call button and held the tiny phone to my ear.

"Alice? What's up? Aren't you in the air right now?"

"Bella? Oh thank god. And yes we're on a plane-"

I cut her off. "Alice, you're really not meant to use these whilst..." I began in a reproaching tone before the panic in her voice filtered its way to my brain. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"It's Edward."

_x_

**OMG IT'S EDWARD! Lol :) Hang on, **_**what's **_**Edward? You'll have to wait to find out. Not as long this time, I promise. Again. It's hard getting back into the swing of it, but I'm picking up the pace now. So yeah, a tiny smidgen of action after 3 chapters of feeling and stuff. Not entirely sure how much more there is to go, but at least 4 chapters I imagine. You'll have to ask the characters, they keep changing the plot. :) Oh well, once again, let me know what you think, and until next time, hwyl fawr!**


	11. Chapter 11 Race

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Arrgh this was a complicated one to write! Hope you can follow it!  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 11 - Race**

_x_

_I flipped the phone open and checked the caller ID. Alice. No surprises there. But wait, wasn't she meant to be on a plane? I hit the call button and held the tiny phone to my ear._

"_Alice? What's up? Aren't you in the air right now?"_

"_Bella? Oh thank god. And yes we're on a plane-"_

_I cut her off. "Alice, you're really not meant to use these whilst..." I began in a reproaching tone before the panic in her voice filtered its way to my brain. "Alice, what's wrong?"_

"_It's Edward."_

_x_

Have you ever had that feeling when there are too many thoughts crowding your mind and you can't think straight for the mental shouting? Like there are 10 different versions of you yelling their heads off, all saying different things, and you have to sort them all out whilst wishing you could cover your ears? Good. Now, imagine the exact opposite of that.

"Bella? _Bella?_"

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

.................................................................................................................

"Come one Bella, snap out of it!"

I blinked a couple of times and shook my head. About ten seconds passed, and still nothing. Complete absence of thought. And then, like it had been the calm before the storm, everything hit me at once. Everything rushed back in waves of emotion, blurring any discernable thoughts. _Pain, anguish, sorrow, loss, anxiety, anger, panic, FEAR. _The last was the strongest. I quickly turned my attention back to the previously forgotten phone in my hand. I could hear Alice muttering to Jasper on the other end, apparently having given up on receiving a reaction from me anytime soon.

"...well, what was I suppose to say? We don't exactly have time for subtle!" I heard Jasper murmuring quietly, but couldn't make out the words. "She'll be fine in a minute...."

"Alice?" I interrupted quickly. "Alice what's wrong? What's happened? Is he OK? What is it?" The words blurred together in my haste.

"Ah she's back. Told you so." Alice's voice suddenly got louder as she returned to the phone. "Bella, chill Ok? I need you to listen very carefully for about 2 minutes without freaking out or interrupting. Think you can do that?" I stayed silent. "Well done!"

"OK, so I had a vision. Remember, no freaking out, alright?" I heard her take a deep breath. "I saw Edward heading back to Forks. He's going to be at your house in about 6 hours. You need to go find him." I opened my mouth but Alice cut me off. "No interruptions, remember?" I frowned. Stupid psychic. But if he was just going back to Forks, why did she sound so worried?

"Now, he's going back to find you. Don't argue with that bit, it'll take forever. He loves you." I snorted. But then Alice's tone changed. She sounded like she was in pain. "Bella, I can't see everything, and I don't know why. There are holes in my vision. But.... it ends with Edward chasing, and then fighting with, Victoria." My eyes widened at that. _Victoria._ I'd completely forgotten about her. Laurent had said she was after me. My panic levels rose. But more frightening than that was Alice's voice when she next spoke. It was barely a whisper.

"Bella, I don't think this is a fight he can win. And I don't think he wants to." I froze.

"NO!" I screamed out loud without thinking.

"Bella?"

I was too mad and panicked to listen. How could he? _How could he?_ Nothing could ever happen to him. What was he thinking? I became aware that Alice was talking again.

"Bella, you need to get there and soon. Jasper and I are on a plane. We don't land for another two hours and even then we'd be further away than you are now. Listen to me. Get back to the house. Take Eleazar's car. It should get you there in about 15 hours. Maybe less, I can't see. You'll need I.D to get across border control, and some cash for gas."

I nodded mindlessly and was about to hang up when I stopped. "Alice? Will I make it?"

Silence.

"I don't know Bella. Please, save him."

I hung up.

_x_

I ran faster than I had ever run before, not even taking care to avoid trees and rocks as I ploughed through everything. _Keep going. You have to keep going._

I got back to the house in record time, and burst through the front door. I barely registered the surprised looks on the Denalis' faces as I tore up the two flights of stairs and into my bedroom. I retrieved the package of false identification that Eleazar had arranged for me, and grabbed a roll of cash from my bedside table. Cramming everything into a small, leather bag, I took off again, down the stairs, past Kate who was on her way up to check on me, and out the door. My thoughts were racing as I bolted round to the garage at the back. I knew that the Denalis would try to follow me, but I couldn't waste time explaining things now. I ran into the garage and grabbed a set of keys from the multiple hooks by the door, stopping to slam the button for the automatic garage doors. I passed Kate's motorbike and Tanya's Mercedes-Benz SLR, coming to a stop at Eleazar's car. It was a Bugatti Veyron, but that was as much as I knew about it, other than that it was ridiculously expensive. I leapt in, slamming the door, started the engine and pealed out of the garage at full speed, straight past my family who were stood on the front porch with their mouths hanging open. I shot them an apologetic glance before rounding the corner and speeding out of sight.

As soon as I was on the highway I let out the sobs that had been striving to escape me ever since I had heard his name. It was lucky I didn't need to pay attention to the road anymore. What was I doing? What was happening? With one phone call my carefully constructed facade had been destroyed. I tried not to think, to regain the blankness I had experience just minutes ago on the phone, but it was impossible. And worse, I had a 15 hour journey ahead of me with no distractions. Hmmmm.....

I smiled slightly. _Well, let's see if we can cut that time.... _I shifted into top gear and sped away.

_x_

About an hour down the road I pulled out my cell phone again and briefly took my eyes away from the road to check the screen. 7 missed calls from Kate. I hit redial and held the phone to my ear. It rang once.

"Bella? Thank god, you're alright. What the hell's going on? Where are you?" Kate answered immediately, her tone changing from relief, to anger, to confusion. I would have laughed if it were not for the situation.

"I'm sorry Kate. Alice called. Edward's in Forks. He's in trouble. I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have run out on you guys like that. Or stolen Eleazar's car. Uh...tell him sorry for me. It was an emergency." I babbled, apologising profusely, although I knew there was very little excuse for my behaviour.

"Yeah Alice called us and filled us in." I was surprised. "Oh and Eleazar's not pissed at you, don't worry. He and Carmen have gone to pick Alice and Jasper up from the airport. But why didn't you take one of us with you Bella? You shouldn't be doing this alone." Kate pleaded, and I couldn't reply. I knew she was right. I should have asked someone to come with me. But there had been no time. Besides, I wasn't about to endanger anyone else.

I sighed audibly. "I know Kate. I'm sorry. I wasn't really thinking." There was a pause on the other end of the line, and I heard Kate move outside.

"Bella, are you sure you can handle this? I don't mean the danger, but seeing him..." Her voice trailed off.

"No I'm not sure. I have no idea. The answer is probably no. But... I can't let him die Kate." I was pleading with her, desperate for her to understand my actions. "I love him. And even if he doesn't love me, there is no way he can't exist in this world." I heard her sigh.

"Bella, if he hurts you again, _I'm_ going to kill him."

"No you're not. I'm already hurt beyond repair Kate. He hasn't done anything wrong except be honest with me, and he certainly can't hurt me worse than before." I lied. I knew it wasn't true. Each time would be worse than the last, I could feel it. And I had barely survived the first time...

"Ok..." she hesitated. "Call me when you need me. Do what you need to do, and then come home. We'll get you through this, whatever the outcome."

"Thanks Kate. Give everyone my love, and tell them I'm sorry." I hung up. There was no need to tell her that I didn't plan on coming back.

I knew there were two outcomes from this life-or-death race. One didn't bare contemplation. If I was too late....I shuddered. The other outcome was better, if I was on time, if I saved him. Better for him. Better for his family. At least he would be safe. But then he would leave me again, and I knew I would not be able to bear the pain of it this time. Regardless of the outcome, I would not be returning to my family, not if I could help it. But if that was the price to pay I would do it. In driving to save him I knew I was giving up my own life, but I would do it if the alternative was a world without him in it. There had never been any question of that.

I sighed. Why couldn't I be mad? I wanted to hate him for leaving me, but I couldn't. It wasn't his fault. I only hated myself for not being enough to keep him with me. I could never blame him for getting bored with a stupid, lowly human. I wanted to, but couldn't. I loved him too much. It would be the death of me.

_x_

I drove for another ten hours until sunset, stopping twice for gas. I was in British Columbia, somewhere outside of Vancouver, when Alice called. I glanced at the caller ID as I picked up.

"Alice. What's happening?"

"I'm not sure. Where are you?"

"Near Vancouver, about an hour or so away from Forks. Where is he now?"

"I don't know exactly. He got to your house about 5 hours ago, but then he left. But he hasn't left Forks yet. I don't know why, but you should be able to pick up his scent near your house."

"Gotcha."

"Be careful Bella. Victoria is somewhere around." She hung up, and I put my foot down. I drove for about another hour, focusing intently on the road, and before long sped past a signpost.

_Welcome to Forks_

_x_

**Good lord, even I want to know what happens next! Wow, this was such a rushed chapter to write, for no reason other than I had a lot swarming around my mind and needed to get it typed up before it vanished. As such it's not the most well-planned chapter, so please let me know any major continuity errors or something. The journey times took some figuring out from the books, but I think I got them right. Remember, it's now June so Edward probably isn't in Rio now. Also, I know nothing about cars. Does it show? Oh well, bed time again. It's 2 am here. Boa noite!**


	12. Chapter 12 Enemies

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**I can't help but think that this story is getting away from me. Oh well, here we go again. Oh, and WOOOO for 5000 hits! Sort of the first milestone, don't you think? :)  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 12 - Enemies**

_x_

"_Be careful Bella. Victoria is somewhere around." She hung up, and I put my foot down. I drove for about another hour, focusing intently on the road, and before long sped past a signpost._

_Welcome to Forks _

_x_

I sped through town, glad that night had now fallen. My car was a little conspicuous, and the last thing I wanted was someone reporting me for speeding. Knowing my luck Charlie would be the one to arrest me. As it was the streets were deserted. Forks wasn't exactly the epicentre of nightlife.

I slowed down as I neared my old home. Even the road brought back memories. I cringed away from the pain of my lost humanity. As I drove past the house I looked up. It was about 10pm now, and the lights were still on, so I knew Charlie was awake. I sighed. I was desperate to go check on him, to see how he was coping, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop myself from speaking to him.

I drove straight past the house and parked out of sight round the corner. I switched off the ignition, stepped out of the car and looked around. It was quiet, and most of the houses nearby had no lights on. I sped back silently toward the house, keeping in the shadows of the trees that hugged Charlie's lawn. Once I was in sight of the front porch I stopped and listened again. I could hear the sound of the TV in the living room. Baseball. There was a strange car parked in the drive, but I couldn't tell the make from here. That, coupled with the sounds of 3 hearts beating from inside the house, told me that Charlie had visitors. Most likely Billy Black or Harry Clearwater, I guessed. I was glad he wasn't alone.

I was about to start checking out the trees nearby for any trace of Edward when I heard muffled voices coming from the house, and the front door opened. I stepped back further into the shadows and waited.

"See yah Charlie. Jake will be up tomorrow to get your dinner sorted and fix that loose cable." said a loud voice that I recognised as Billy Black's. There was no reply, and a second later his wheel chair came into view and Jacob followed. I felt a pain in my chest when I saw him. I'd missed him so much. He closed the door behind him, and Billy sighed.

"He's not getting any better, is he?" asked Jacob quietly. It was so good to hear his voice again. I almost dashed from my hiding place to hug him, but my heart fell at the thought of his reaction to me at my new form. Not to mention I didn't want to put him in danger. I was suddenly glad that I was an exception to newborn bloodlust.

Billy didn't answer, but sighed again. Jacob lifted his wheelchair down the porch steps easily, and I was surprised at how strong he seemed. They walked towards the car in the driveway, and Jacob lifted his dad in before stowing the chair in the back seat. He walked around to the driver's side and opened the door. But before he could climb in he suddenly lifted his head and sniffed the air.

"Dammit!" I heard him curse quietly. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, but didn't dare move as Jacob quickly shut the door, and spun round towards the trees where I was hiding. I could hear Billy yelling something from inside the car but Jacob carried on walking quickly but silently towards the tree-line. I could hear his heartbeat and the pulsing of blood through his vein. Venom pooled in my mouth instinctively. I stepped back a few paces quickly, but froze as Jacob's head spun round to stare at the space I was occupying. As quietly as possible I stepped behind a tree and pressed my back against it.

"I know you're there, leech. Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Jacob's voice sounded mockingly through the trees, but the tone didn't shock me half as much as the words. Jacob knew I was here. Correction, he knew a vampire was here. I remembered too late that the Quiluete tribe had always had legends about vampires; the Cullens in particular, but Jake had dismissed them as childish fairytales. I wondered what had changed. Why did he now believe the stories he once thought were stupid superstition? I didn't know, but I heard the venom in Jacob's voice and decided I didn't want to know. He hated me, he hated my kind. I stifled a sob.

Just then my phone vibrated again, and I heard Jake freeze at the noise. Then, slowly, he began to move toward me.

I panicked, and ran sobbing. I couldn't face him. He hated me. So I ran east as fast I could, dodging trees and focusing solely on getting away. Behind me I heard Jacob swear. For a minute there was nothing but a faint sound of moving material, and then I felt a strange rippling sensation in the air, followed by the sound of something running after me. Something with four legs, that was running far too fast.

I tried to run faster but couldn't. The creature was gaining on me, and I could smell something much more repulsive than humans or animals. As I broke through into a small clearing I felt something slam into my back, sending me flying into the ground. I cringed, ducking my head, and something whistled past my ear overhead. I leapt to my feet, and found myself stood across the small grassy space from a huge wolf.

Huge wasn't nearly descriptive enough. Neither was wolf for that matter. The creature in front of me was far too large, more the size of a horse than anything else. Its fur was reddish-brown and shaggy, and it had black eyes that looked far too intelligent for an animal. It was crouched down, ready to attack, and its teeth were bared, a low growl emanating from its throat. I found myself crouched instinctively into a defensive position as a growl of my own issued from my mouth. But then my eyes widened, and I straightened out of my crouch, taking a small step back in shock as the reality of the situation hit me.

Despite the threatening stance of the creature in front of me I didn't feel afraid, and I wondered why that was. My brain was racing, and the pieces were clicking together faster than I could focus on them. But more than that was the familiar, stifling sense of safety that I felt. I looked into those dark eyes, trying to believe what my thoughts were telling me.

"Jacob?" I whispered. It came out half-strangled, but as I spoke the wolf in front of me straightened up, and his eyes widened. The growling stopped abruptly. For about a minute we stood staring at each other, and then he abruptly turned away and ran into the trees.

"Wait!" I pleaded, one hand stretched out instinctively, but he was already gone. I lowered my hand and sank to the ground, my head bent as I sobbed tearless cries of grief. Grief for my lost friendship, for my abandoned humanity, and for my best friend's fate. I knew what had happened, and couldn't help but linger on what this meant. Jake, my friend, who had helped me retain my sanity, kept me whole, and who I loved like a brother, had fallen into this world of fantasy. He was a werewolf, and my enemy.

No sooner had I thought this than my thoughts flickered back to my last human memory. I had been in pain as the venom began to spread through my veins, but my last sight was of several monstrous creatures standing in the clearing. One had stood over me with piercing black eyes.

I barely had time to contemplate this revelation before I heard the sound of someone approaching, this time on two legs. I stood up just as Jacob walked through the entrance to the clearing, wearing nothing but a pair of denim shorts. We stood there staring at each other for a minute in silence, and then Jacob spoke.

"Bella?"

I nodded. I didn't know what to say. He hated me. And I was supposed to hate him. As I watched he raised one hand to his forehead and shut his eyes tightly before dragging his hand down his face. He looked like he was in agony, and I wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him it was going to be ok. But I couldn't, and it wasn't.

"Bella, why did you come back?"

I was hurt but not surprised. I shouldn't be here after all. If I was rational, and sane, I would have stayed in Denali. I sighed. Love is never rational.

"I'm sorry Jake." I whispered, avoiding the question. "I didn't mean to cause you pain."

We stood in silence for another minute, and I decided to see if my suspicions were right. "I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life." I said quietly. "You were there, weren't you? In the meadow? You chased Laurent away."

"And a crap job we did too." Jacob spat, and I flinched at the pain in his voice. "We didn't save you. Just one second early.... And now look at you! I'm the one who should be apologising Bella." He yelled. I gaped in astonishment.

"No Jake! None of this was your fault! I was stupid. I shouldn't have gone hiking alone-"

"And why were you alone?" I couldn't answer. I didn't know what to say. "This _is_ my fault. I should have been with you. I didn't save you Bella. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your job to save me Jacob." I said quietly. He snorted. I hesitated, but decided to ask anyway. "Why, Jake? Why were you avoiding me? Did I do something? Was it because...because of the way I felt? About you?" My voice trailed off to a whisper.

Jacob looked up with an expression of horror on his face. "Oh no, Bells! It wasn't your fault. Please don't ever think that. You did nothing." He sighed, and then laughed sadly. "Well I guess there's no secrets now, is there? It's weird though." I snorted.

"I'm pro at weird." He grinned and we both relaxed a little.

"Well, unless it wasn't obvious, I'm a werewolf!" I laughed, and he continued. "Guess all those stupid stories weren't so stupid." He shot me a look and I smiled, amused.

"Guess not." He shook his head in amazement and continued.

"It turns out that there haven't been any werewolves for a while though. It only happens when vampires are in the area." I could tell her was trying very hard to control the disgust in his voice, and was grateful that he made the effort. "So when the Cullens came back, we started changing again. The ones who change are the direct descendants of tribe leaders from long ago. Like my great-grandfather. And then something sets it off, and we become werewolves. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly–" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything–I was _happy_." He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me–I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I–I exploded. I almost ripped his face off–my own father!" He shuddered, and his face paled. I felt so sorry for him.

"There's quite a few of us now. We protect our lands from your kind-" I flinched at that, and he noticed, but continued. "-and we're pretty good at it." He looked at me sadly. "Well, not all the time. When we caught your scent, and then the scent of that leech, we tried so hard to get there in time. But we were all starting from far away, and by the time we arrived, we were too late. We chased him off but Sam said it was too late for you." He whispered the last bit, his face screwed up in pain. "I convinced Sam to leave you. None of us wanted....And I said you could choose your own path. I just couldn't face the thought of you..." He stopped speaking and looked away. I felt terrible about the pain I had caused him.

"I'm so sorry Jake. But I'm glad. It wasn't your fault. This was meant to happen." I sighed, but it seemed to make him feel better. He looked up.

"So what did you do? Did you find the Cullens?" I smiled and shook my head.

"No, not for a while anyway. I headed north, to Alaska." He looked shocked and I laughed. "Well, I couldn't exactly stay around here. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and Alaska is a lot less inhabited than Washington. Plus the Cullens had mentioned another family, one that only hunted animals like them. I found them and have been with them ever since. The Cullens found me there about a month ago."

"What about _him_?" Jacob spat, this time making no effort to conceal his distaste. I frowned, but answered anyway.

"He wasn't with them."

We were both silent again, wrapped in our own thoughts. Then Jacob spoke quietly.

"You knew? Whilst you were with him, you knew everything and still..." I nodded, and saw the look of pure, unconcealed disgust on his face. Jacobs hands were trembling, and he looked like he was going to throw up. I waited for the tirade, but it never came, and gradually he relaxed slightly. We stood there for a while longer until Jacob spoke again. "So why are you here?"

I sighed. He wasn't going to like the answer, but in any case I knew I had wasted far too much time here. I had to tell him. "Edward...is in trouble. He's somewhere near here. His sister sent me to find him." Jacob's hands were trembling again, and a look of fury crossed his face.

"You're going to help that bloodsucker? After what he did to you?" He glared at me, and I nodded, wary of his reaction.

"I'm sorry Jake. I'm sorry all of this had to happen. I'm sorry we didn't live in a normal world, without any of this mythical stuff. Things would have been different. But I have to help him. If I can." I turned to leave, but Jacob crossed the distance between us in a flash and grabbed my arm. His skin was burning hot. He stared at me for a moment, and then let go.

"I don't get you Bella! After everything you went through? Isn't it bad enough that you're a bl- vampire..., but you have to run around protecting the ass of someone who broke you?" I could see the anger in his eyes, but I knew it wasn't really directed at me. "I saw what you were like Bells. You were a zombie, a complete wreck. He did that!"

I didn't know what to say. I knew it was true. I nodded again. "You're right Jake." I said simply, and he looked back at me. I didn't meet his gaze. "But I love him Jake. I always have, even when that wasn't enough for him." I spoke quietly, but Jacob recoiled as if stung. He stood there for a minute, frozen, before collapsing onto the ground, resting his chin on his knees and staring at the dirt. I sat beside him carefully, my mission temporarily forgotten. I owed Jake a lot.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Jake spoke again, his voice almost a whisper. "I loved you Bella. You know that, right?" I nodded, not looking at him. I knew it. "But it wasn't enough, was it? We were never meant to be." He said sadly, and I looked up in surprise. This wasn't the Jacob I remembered. He was older, wiser now. I thought about what to say next.

"I don't know about "meant to be". I think there is such a thing as fate, in a way. You were meant to be a werewolf, and I was meant to be changed. Those things happened for a reason. But we were best friends. And we're here now. We found each other tonight, completely by chance. Maybe that was "meant to be" as well? I think we were meant to be friends, Jake, no matter what we went through. We were meant to be in each others lives." I finished, and waited in silence again. After a while Jake sighed and nodded.

"Maybe you should go." Those words hurt me, but I rose steadily to my feet, determined not to let him see the pain on my face. This was my doing. But then Jacob stood up next to me, and looked at me directly. "But come back, OK? And don't do anything stupid. I don't care that you're...this. You're still my friend." He whispered. I looked at him with surprise, and then flung my arms round him.

"Thank you Jake. I missed you so much." He hugged me back tightly, before I pulled away.

"Love you Bells. Always."

I smiled at him, then turned and ran back towards Charlie's house. I had to find Edward, and hoped I wasn't too late.

_x_

**Ok, so maybe this chapter is a complete waste of time, but I hate loose ends. Admittedly they weren't my loose ends, but Stephenie Meyer put Jacob in here, and who am I to argue with the master. Jacob needed tying up, and it wasn't something that could be done in a paragraph. So please don't shoot me! Love you guys, and trust me, the next chapter will be worth reading! Toodles!**


	13. Chapter 13 Chase

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Please read the AN at the end, otherwise you're gonna be sadly disappointed for a week or two.  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 13 - Chase**

_x_

"_Thank you Jake. I missed you so much." He hugged me back tightly, before I pulled away._

"_Love you Bells. Always."_

_I smiled at him, then turned and ran back towards Charlie's house. I had to find Edward, and hoped I wasn't too late._

_x_

As I ran I pulled my phone out of my pocket, only to see I had two missed calls from Alice. I hit the redial button and held the phone to my ear, slowing my pace as I neared Charlie's house. She answered before the first ring.

"Bella! Oh thank god, where are you? What happened? I lost you!" I blinked, confused.

"What do you mean, lost me?"

"I couldn't see you. Your future went blank. Why didn't you answer my calls?"

I quickly relayed my encounter with Jake. I heard Alice gasp several times but she didn't interrupt. When I had finished she let out a sigh, and I could almost visualise her shaking her head.

"Bella, you're lucky to be alive! Werewolves are highly volatile! At least this explains a lot of things...." Alice trailed off, but I wasn't listening. I had suddenly caught the scent that was so painfully familiar to me.

"Alice, I'll call you back." I said hurriedly, and started to run. I followed his scent across the lawn, where it came to a stop underneath my old bedroom window. The lights in the house were off now, so I didn't have to worry about Charlie catching me. I quickly scaled the side of the house, and, grasping the window sill with one hand, pushed my window up and leapt through.

Nothing had changed. Just one glance brought back all the memories that I shied away from now. The bed, where he had slept next to me, just watching me sleep. The rocking chair, where he had been sat in the morning, the first night he stayed with me. The feelings of loss and rejection were overwhelming. I blinked and tried to focus, knowing that I had limited time.

He had been in here too; I could smell the same mixture of lilac and honey. My gaze fell upon a hole in the floor, where a floorboard had been pulled up. I frowned and knelt down, but froze as soon as I saw the scattered objects next to the hole.

With a shaking hand I reached out. My fingers brushed against a clear CD case, and a booklet of thin card containing plane tickets. Lastly, I reached out and grasped a handful of photos, images that I had longed for since September.

He was there, in front of my eyes, glorious and immortal, pale, sitting as though carved from stone at my kitchen table. I felt my eyes burn with dry tears as I shuffled through the rest of the pictures. When I reached the end they fell from my grasp onto the floor, and I wrapped my arms tightly across my trembling body as the gasping sobs broke free. They had been here all this time, hidden under the very floorboards I had paced with agony in my heart. The proof I had longed for had been in my room the whole time; proof that he had existed and wanted me, for however short a time.

_It will be as if I never existed_

I pulled myself together quickly. He had existed. Our time together was real. During my humanity I had had my doubts. After all, reason was against me. But here it was; undeniable proof that an angel had come into my life.

I rose to my feet as determination made me strong. He was real, and would continue to be real. I had to believe that, and I had to do my best to ensure it.

As it turn to leave my foot brushed against a discarded photo that I hadn't noticed before. Half a photo, in fact. I bent down and picked it up. I recognised the image immediately as one of Edward and I, standing in Charlie's living room. It had been torn directly down the middle, separating the pictured Edward and myself so that I was missing completely. I scanned the floor, hoping to find the rest, but couldn't see it anywhere. I tucked the photo into my jeans pocket to look over later, glanced around my old room one last time, and leapt out of my window.

I followed Edward's scent to the tree line as the trail headed north-west. I broke into a sprint, half-crouching in order to follow the scent. I followed it mindlessly for about ten minutes, dodging trees instinctively, not caring about where I was going. Here and there the trail was crossed with scents that were foul and unpleasant, but they reminded me of Jacob, and I guessed he wasn't the only werewolf running around here. I wrinkled my nose. They smelled of wet dog, only worse.

Suddenly I broke through an opening in the trees and stopped abruptly, shocked, as I immediately recognised my surroundings.

_The meadow._

_x_

_I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers — violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. I halfway turned, wanting to share this with him, but he wasn't behind me where I thought he'd be. I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm. Finally I spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me with cautious eyes. Only then did I remember what the beauty of the meadow had driven from my mind — the enigma of Edward and the sun, which he'd promised to illustrate for me today. _

_I took a step back toward him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were wary, reluctant. I smiled encouragingly and beckoned to him with my hand, taking another step back to him. He held up a hand in warning, and I hesitated, rocking back onto my heels. _

_Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun._

_x_

I barely had time to collect my thoughts before another memory hit me, one that could not have been more different to the first.

_x_

_Laurent followed, lithe and graceful."Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."_

_I stared at him in horror._

_He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply._

_I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you. I shouted it in my head, my last thought. As I squinted through my narrowed eyes Laurent sprang, moving too quick for me to follow, and within a second I felt the searing pain as his teeth pierced my neck, straight over my jugular vein._

_x _

I gasped, recoiling from the emotional pain that accompanied the flashbacks. My gaze fell on a patch of grass a few feet away, where my heightened senses could barely detect a few traces of old, dried human blood that were still present, mixed in with the soil. My blood.

I shuddered, and gingerly sniffed the air again. Edward's scent was overwhelming here. A patch of grass was flattened next to the spot where Laurent had bitten me. I pieced together the scene in my mind. Edward had come here after visiting my room. I don't know if the was looking for me or had thought I was long dead, but he had arrived here and smelt the 3-month old blood that lingered in the grass. He had sat here, for a long time. His scent was fresh now, so he hadn't long left here. I looked around, wondering what had caused him to leave so suddenly. I followed the fresh trail to the other side of the clearing, near the stream.

Just then another scent reached me. One of a vampire, but not Edward. It wasn't a scent I recognised, but I knew who it was instinctively. _Victoria._

A snarl ripped through my throat as I hurtled after the trail that was now her's and Edward's scents combined, leaving the meadow, and the memories, far behind me. I sprinted through the forest, narrowly avoiding trees and rocks, intent on the path I was following. Then I heard growls from up ahead, and a huge crash that sounded like boulders colliding. I increased my speed and broke through into a clearing at the edge of a cliff face.

My eyes took in the scene in front of me, and despite the situation something triggered a deep reaction in my unmoving heart, as my gaze fell on his face.

_Edward.............._

_x_

**OK, this is a completely rushed chapter, but it'll have to do for now. Unlucky 13 I guess. Sorry if it's a little short, and trust me, it will be rewritten in the near future, but I couldn't stand to leave you guys hanging for much longer. I'm moving into my new house on Saturday, and I don't know how long it's going to take me to get an internet connection set up, so this might be the last chapter in a while. But have no fear! Even if I'm not publishing I will be writing, so your patience will be rewarded! Also, as well as the next chapter I'm going over the entire story, amending bits and adding details everywhere, not to mention and extended summary and preface will be added to the first chapter, so it may be worth rereading it when I finally update the whole thing. The amended version will be posted at the same time as the next chapter.**

**Once again, let me know what you think, and hopefully you'll be hearing from me soon!**


	14. Chapter 14 Fight

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Woah, long break, ay? See the AN at the bottom for a full explanation. Oh and I really love this chapter :D  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 14 - Fight**

_x_

_I heard growls from up ahead, and a huge crash that sounded like boulders colliding. I increased my speed and broke through into a clearing at the edge of a cliff face._

_My eyes took in the scene in front of me, and despite the situation something triggered a deep reaction in my unmoving heart, as my gaze fell on his face._

_Edward.............._

_x_

I barely had time to take in his perfect features before my instincts snapped my attention back to the threat at hand, and I froze as I fully took in the sight in front of me.

Victoria was stood across the clearing from me, near the cliff edge. My appearance had shocked her into stillness temporarily, and her blood-red eyes were fixed on me, her lips curling into a snarl. In the centre of the clearing, directly between us, Edward knelt on the ground, his head down and eyes closed. His clothes were torn, his breathing ragged and something about his stance suggested he was in pain. I couldn't stop the growl issuing from my throat as I switched my gaze back to Victoria. She grinned at the anger clearly visible in my eyes, and her gaze flitted between Edward's face and mine. Her grin widened, and she suddenly crouched, springing straight at Edward.

A snarl ripped its way out of me, and I threw myself across the clearing, racing her to the centre of my world. Victoria was faster, but I still retained remnants of my newborn strength, and I used these to push myself further and faster. When I was a few feet from Edward I sprang over his unmoving head at Victoria, and we crashed in mid air with a sound that echoed off the rocks, my weight throwing us both back toward the cliff edge.

As we landed I sprang to my feet instantly, crouching into a fighting stance and positioning myself between her and Edward. I was acting purely on instinct now; a predator defending its territory. Everything about my body made it clear. He was _mine_.

Victoria was on her feet too, no longer smiling. She feinted to the left and I mirrored her actions. Inside I was panicking. I was hardly an experienced fighter. Kate and Tanya had taught me some moves, but I my knowledge was still impossibly basic. The only advantage I had was my strength, in which I knew I still surpassed the average vampire. But as Victoria began to move I knew that it would not be nearly enough.

She was fast; very fast, and moved with such grace and agility that it seemed she was dancing. I couldn't keep up, and as she feinted back and forth she drew closer and closer to Edward.

I was desperate to turn around and check on him. I had no idea if he was hurt; to the best of my knowledge there was no easy way to hurt a vampire, but I could hear that he still wasn't moving, and the pain on his face...

Victoria made another quick movement and gained a step, snapping me out of my thoughts. I mentally swore and a snarl broke free of me as she made another feint to the right, causing me to back up even more.

Suddenly I heard a faint movement behind me, and before I could blink he sailed over my head, hands outstretched, aiming straight for Victoria's throat.

Now it as my turn to freeze in shock as Edward tackled her to the ground, before being back on his feet in an instant, flitting back a step as her hand whistled through thin air in the space where he had been stood moments before. They fought in front of me, and Victoria was no longer feinting, as their bodies met again and again with crashes of thunder. The sound snapped me out of my trance, and I ran to Edward's aid just as he managed to get a grip on her arm, tearing it off with a sickening squealing sound. I jumped on her back from behind, and as she spun trying to throw me off I planted my feet against her shoulders, grabbed her remaining arm and pulled, flipping backwards as it tore off with another grating sound. She screamed, a piercing sound, and her eyes locked on mine, seething with hate, before her screams were cut off by Edward leaping for her throat.

It was over. I stood there in shock as Edward quickly dismembered the stony corpse, throwing the pieces onto a small pile of twigs and bracken. When he was finished he pulled a small, silver cigarette lighter from his pocket and set the pieces ablaze. Throughout the process he avoiding even glancing at me, but I could see the fury burning in his eyes from where I stood.

That was enough for me. I couldn't bear to see that expression on his face a moment longer. His back was to me as a stepped back silently towards the trees. Part of my body protested, the part that was almost magnetically attracted to his mere presence, and it screamed in agony with each step I took further away from him. But the hole in my chest was ruling my feet. It felt as if my soul was poring out through the holes in my broken heart with every second he averted his gaze from me. My head was spinning. I had to get away.

But as silent as my steps were, he heard me, and he spun round to face me. His dark eyes locked on mine and I could see into their depths, watching his emotions play out against each other. There was fear, and anger, and disbelief, but deeper was a hint of something that made my knees go weak and my eyes unable to tear themselves away. I froze where I was.

His eyes studied mine, doing the same, but I had no idea what emotions were revealed in my own face. I stood there like a deer in the headlights, unable to move until he released me. He didn't, and instead took one step towards me. And then another.

As he closed the distance between us, never taking his eyes off mine, the battle inside me raged. My mind rebelled. After finally seeing him there in front of me after all this time, as perfect and flawless as the day he left, with fire smouldering in his pitch-black eyes, I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe this was real. It couldn't be.

The turmoil inside my head rose, and I snapped. I blinked once, waking myself from the trance of his gaze, and I stepped back automatically. I briefly saw the shock on his face before my emotions became too much, and I turned and ran into the forest.

I ran and ran, distancing myself from what I couldn't face. I saw no reason to ever stop. I was finished; I had been the moment I had seen him kneeling in the clearing, but I had accepted that long before I got here. I knew what I was giving up in saving him. A world without him in it was not a world worth existing at all, and as the hole in my chest grew and grew I knew that it was right. He was safe, and I was done.

My eyes burned with non-existent tears as I tore through the trees. There was no piecing me back together now. The last image of his face was burned into my brain behind my eyelids, and was all I could see every time I closed my eyes. I ran to escape the pain, to escape everything.

Through the haze of agony I was jolted back to awareness by the sound of light footfalls behind me. Behind me, but getting closer. I instinctively increased my own speed, pushing all my strength into every stride each time my feet touched the ground. I was flying now, faster than I had ever run before. But behind me I could still hear him, and he was gaining.

I swore loudly and strained my entire body forward, knocking over trees in my haste. But it was no use. I heard the footfalls directly behind me, and then something crashed into my back, throwing me forward to the ground.

I tried to get up, but he was on top of me. I rolled over onto my back, desperately searching for an escape, but his hands caught my arms, pinning them over my head. He sat astride me, his knees pressing down on my legs, firmly but not painfully. With no way out I screwed my eyes tight shut before his gaze could hold mine, as a final attempt at escape. But even with my eyes closed I was painfully aware of his body atop mine, and for the first time in nearly 10 months I felt whole.

"Bella?" I clenched my eyes tighter. "Bella, look at me." I shook my head briefly, trying to listen to anything but the velvet sound of his voice. It was the first time I had heard him speak since my change, and the sound of his voice was a symphony to my ears. I strained against him, but he held me firmly, ignoring my struggles. I felt like a helpless child in his grip. I would have had to hurt him to escape, and I could no more do that than tear out my dead heart.

I inhaled and was overwhelmed with the scent of him, of honey, and lilac, and sunshine. It made me want to lean in, closer to him, but I fought against it. I wouldn't let myself do this. I couldn't believe this. I wasn't able to anymore. It was too painful.

"Bella, please!" The angel over me spoke again, and I tried to close my ears to the beautiful sound in vain. "Bella, I'm so sorry. Please look at me. I'm sorry for everything. Please..." His voice broke with agony and that, combined with the shock of his words, forced my eyes to fly open. I met his black eyes with an amber gaze of my own, and heard him inhale sharply.

Ours eyes locked again, unwavering and neither of us spoke to break the moment. I was lost. I wasn't physically able to look away from the boy who was as big a part of my as I was myself. I didn't want to hear his words. I just wanted stay like this forever. I committed every aspect of his face to my mind, drinking in every detail greedily. And still he didn't look away.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, making us both jump. He didn't move and I didn't make any move to try and reach it. In any case he still hadn't released my hands. But the sounds snapped us out of our trance, and Edwards opened his mouth to speak. Every muscle in my body tensed, bracing myself for the inevitable rejection, and I averted my gaze to avoid the truth in his eyes.

"I love you."

My eyes snapped back to his instantly, and they were smouldering. My breath caught in my throat. Our eyes met for a second, and then he leant in swiftly and pressed his lips to mine.

The instant his mouth met mine I forgot everything. I put aside the consequences, abandoned reality and kissed him back with a passion. Our lips moved in synchronisation and my mind was racing. He pressed against me, still pinning my body down, and I kissed him back, stronger and fiercer than we'd ever kissed before. My breathing sped up even though there was no use for it, and it felt as if my heart were beating again. I strained against him again, this time to get closer, and every line of his body was pressed into mine.

Fire raced through my body and our lips moved in a passionate rhythm as we kissed for what seemed like hours. When he finally drew away he leant his forehead against mine and breathed my name, as my eyes closed and I breathed raggedly.

"_Bella..."_

I was home.

_x_

**Oh My God!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right now you can picture me breathing a huge sigh of relief. 1, because I'm finally writing something after a massive break, and 2, because the end is in sight! Sigh! It's a sad and yet exciting though as my first ever fanfiction nears its conclusion. Anyway, let's put off that discussion until the time comes. I owe you guys a hell of an explanation for my absence of, what, nearly a month? God, it's been ages! Ok, so I moved house, and didn't have internet for 2 weeks. That's stage 1. I did do some writing during this time, but not as much as I would have liked, what with the decorating and bills and learning to live in the real world for the first time. And then Uni started, which involved me being buried under a foot-high pile of books to read for my course, that occupied my every waking moment. And then, just at the point I am able to sit down at my computer, I discover I've been hit by the hammer of the evil Writers-Block leprechaun in my sleep! But, after all that, I present you with Chapter 14, as well as a complete re-write of all 13 previous chapters! Enjoy, and I'll see you shortly :)**


	15. Chapter 15 Talk

**A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**Um...yeah...heh heh...sorry. Time flies, doesn't it?  
**  
_x_

**Chapter 15 - Talk**

_x_

"_I love you."_

_My eyes snapped back to his instantly, and they were smouldering. My breath caught in my throat. Our eyes met for a second, and then he leant in swiftly and pressed his lips to mine._

_The instant his mouth met mine I forgot everything. I put aside the consequences, abandoned reality and kissed him back with a passion. Our lips moved in synchronisation and my mind was racing. He pressed against me, still pinning my body down, and I kissed him back, stronger and fiercer than we'd ever kissed before. My breathing sped up even though there was no use for it, and it felt as if my heart were beating again. I strained against him again, this time to get closer, and every line of his body was pressed into mine._

_Fire raced through my body and our lips moved in a passionate rhythm as we kissed for what seemed like hours. When he finally drew away he leant his forehead against mine and breathed my name, as my eyes closed and I breathed raggedly._

"_Bella..."_

_I was home._

_x_

I fought to regain my breath, my eyes closed and his forehead against mine. As whole as I felt at that moment I could still feel the wave of anguish and loss hovering above me, ready to sweep over me again and tear open the newly-healed hole in my chest. I fought to keep the emotions at bay. My eyes clenched shut, my body tensed and my breathing sped up as I battled against the despair, trying to retain the love and passion I felt when Edward kissed me.

Edward felt my body tense under his and I felt him pull his head back to look at me.

"Bella?"

His voice sent me over the edge. A sob broke through my lips and I shoved against him with all my strength. I felt his body fly off mine, heard him land on his feet a few metres away with a thud. I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer, and half sat up, turning my face away from him and digging my fingers into the soil as my chest heaved and my body shook with agony. I hated myself for losing it like this in front of him.

"Bella?" He was back at my side in an instance, one hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off of me and twisted my body further away from him. "Bella, what's wrong?" I didn't answer, or course, but mentally I rolled my eyes. He really had to ask?

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. This is all my fault." He continued to ramble on, alternating between unspecified apologies and berating himself. I found myself absently wondering what he was apologising for, or whether he even knew himself. My tearless sobs increased in volume, and he put his hand on my shoulder again, pulling me towards him.

"For Christ's sake Edward, stop!" I yelled, finally snapping, and before he could blink I was on my feet several metres away. My chest was heaving with ragged breaths and my hair fell across my face as I glared at him. My body responded to my anger, moulding itself into a defensive crouch, and I struggled to control myself. But beyond all that I was shocked. Never in my life had I imagined myself yelling at Edward, but suddenly I had found all that anger that I had been wishing to feel for months, and it was aimed at one person.

Edward winced at my words, but didn't seem surprised. He got to his feet but made no move to approach me. Which was probably just as well.

"You're sorry? Sorry for what Edward? Sorry that you left? Sorry that I'm here saving your ass? Sorry that you don't love me? Bullshit, Edward! Don't lie to me. You broke my heart, you left me, but for god's sake, don't lie to me! I tried! I tried so hard to cope! But I got dragged back into this screwed up world of fantasy, and now I'm stuck like this. Stuck as a permanent reminder of the guy who lied to me, who used me as a distraction and then threw me away, and who I can't seem to ever escape in my life. Do you even know what you're sorry _for?_ Because if not, I don't want to hear it. The last thing I need is empty words, Edward. Meaningless apologies might assuage your guilt, but they mean nothing to me."

He stood there in complete silence as I yelled at him, wincing at each statement as if he were being stabbed. The pain on his face more than anything caused me to stop, and I stood there, breathing heavily, waiting.

"Bella..." He took a step towards me, one hand stretched out, and I stepped back instantly in response. His hand fell back to his side.

"Don't, Edward. Just don't." My brief burst of anger was waning fast. I felt physically and mentally drained. I took a deep breath. "Don't tell me you're sorry. You have nothing to feel guilty for. I don't blame you. So just skip the apologies and leave. Don't worry, I won't intrude again." I spat bitterly.

"No." He growled, and took another step toward me. Anger flashed in his depths of his black eyes. I took another step back. I considered running, but we'd already proved what that would accomplish.

"Just go Edward." I tried to glare at him, but the anger had disappeared as swiftly as it had arrived. Instead there was only sadness in my eyes. I saw the pain reflected in his own, and felt my will weakening. I had to get away. "I'm sorry." I whispered. His eyes widened, and I turned to leave. Before I could take one step he was there, as he grasped my shoulders and pulled my body round to face him, pushing me back against a tree. I felt the bark crack against my back and snarled at him, resisting the urge to throw him off again.

"Let go."

"No."

We both glared at each other.

"_Let go!"_

"Not until you listen to me!"

"Listen to what, Edward? What do you have to say that I haven't heard before?"

"I'm not lying! I love you! I've always loved you!"

I closed my eyes, trying to block the words that gave me false hope. I was held captive by his strength and my reluctance to hurt him. I could feel his breath on my face, the sweet aroma washing over my lips, and I resisted the impulse to inhale. I couldn't lose myself now. I didn't have the strength to deal with this now.

"Please. I can't do this."

"No. I can't let you go. I can't face it again."

We stood there in silence for a minute, his body against mine, his arms pinning me against the tree. I kept my eyes closed tightly. I wondered vaguely if this was some sort of dream, designed by my subconscious to torment me further. Then Edward spoke again.

"I lied, Bella. I lied when I said I didn't love you. Everything I said in the forest was a lie." They were the words I'd always wanted but never believed in. I didn't know if I could bring myself to believe in them now. "I did it to keep you safe. I thought my world would put you in danger. You'd end up hurt or worse. I thought I was doing the right thing." My eyes flew open at these words to glare at him.

"Well that worked like a charm didn't it?" I spat, and he winced again, but didn't back away. "You left me, over what you _thought _might happen? You're not Alice. You can't know what's going to happen in the future."

"You were nearly killed Bella! Right in front of me! By my own brother, no less! How exactly was I supposed to deal with that?" He yelled back, and I was surprised that he was actually standing up for himself.

"The same way I did! By letting it go! I was human, Edward. I could've died crossing the street the next day! But I would have been happy, because you were with me!" I look down and shook my head slowly. "I can't do this." I repeated.

"I can." He whispered, and moved one hand to hold my chin. He pulled my face up to meet his gaze and his eyes burned into my, smouldering. "I love you Bella. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

"It's not your fault" I whispered, giving up. "You thought you were doing the right thing."

"I'm sorry." He repeated. We both sank to the ground simultaneously. I was exhausted by the conversation mentally. His arms wrapped themselves around me and pulled me to his chest. I didn't pull away. It was a while before I worked up the strength to say something.

"Don't leave me." I whispered, barely audible. His arms tightened around me.

"I will never leave you." He vowed.

"I love you."

"I love you too Bella. With my entire heart, I'll love you forever.

X

We sat like that for a while in silence, with me curled up against his chest. I was content in the moment, and when he finally spoke again I was surprised to hear pain in his voice.

"How did this happen, Bella?"

I stiffened. He felt me tense up, and moved me round to face him until I was looking into the depths of his gaze again. "Who did this to you?"

I knew how he was going to react, but I couldn't keep anything from him. "Laurent." I said simply, and watched as his eyes seemed to grow darker and a growl echoed in the back of his throat. I put one hand against his chest to calm him. "He's dead Edward."

The growl stopped. "How?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Werewolves." His eyes widened.

"Tell me everything."

I took a deep breath to steady myself, recalling the day of my change. "I was...hiking." I said using the same lie I had told Alice. I had no hope that it would convince him. His eyes narrowed, but he didn't interrupt. "Laurent found me. In the meadow." A growl started building again, and I spoke quickly. "He bit me, but then about 5 werewolves appeared. They chased him off."

"They didn't kill you?" He barely whispered, his words strangled. I shook my head. "Why?"

"One of them knew me." I said, hoping that would suffice. It didn't and his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Who?"

"Jacob Black." Edward took a deep breath in, and I spoke quickly. "He was my best friend, Edward. He helped me." I stopped there, reluctant to tell Edward the details of those horrific months before my transformation.

"You were friends with a werewolf?" His voice was calm, but I knew it wouldn't last long. So I sighed and began to explain.

"When you...left...I was pretty bad for a long time. Jake helped me. He didn't look at me as if I was crazy and pity me. He was my friend. If he hadn't been there for me...well, I wouldn't be here now that's for sure." I decided against telling Edward the extent of Jacobs feeling towards me. I changed the subject before he could continue.

"So what have you been up to? You know, since September." I asked, trying to sound light-hearted. He narrowed his eyes, clearly indicating that we would revisit my friendship with werewolves, but answered my question.

"I was tracking Victoria." His answer was as short and to-the-point as mine had been, but I exhaled sharply.

"_Why?"_

"Well, I wasn't about to let her get away. I swore to make sure she would never harm you. I took his face in my hands and glared at him.

"Don't you realise how dangerous that was? What were you thinking?" He rolled his eyes.

"It wasn't dangerous. She wouldn't have hurt me."

"I think tonight's example proves differently." He suddenly looked uncomfortable, and Alice's words came back to me.

"_Bella, I don't think this is a fight he can win. And I don't think he wants to."_

I inhaled deeply, trying to steady myself. "Edward, look at me." He was trying to avoid my gaze. "When I arrived, you weren't winning. You weren't even fighting. Why, Edward?" I asked quietly. He finally met my gaze.

"I thought you were dead." He whispered. I shook my head.

"That's not an answer Edward. What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how Carlisle and Esme would have felt if something had happened to you today? How upset Alice was when she called me? They need to know you're OK. _I _need to know. You can't think like that!"

"I wasn't going to live without you." He said, repeating the words he had said to me in Charlie's living room 10 months ago.

"A world without you in it isn't worth existing."

"I could say the same about you."

I sighed. It was clear that this discussion wasn't going to get us anywhere. I stood up, pulling Edward to his feet with me. "Come on, let's go."

"Where?" he asked. I smiled.

"Alaska."

_X_

**Ok ok, usually I have a fairly solid policy about not apologising for delays. After all, it's not as if I'm being paid for this. But yeah...anyone who's stuck around long enough to read this deserves an explanation.**

**In all honesty I blame the house. Old readers will notice my regular updates stopped as soon as I moved.**

**As for this chapter, well, I only found it last night. Turns out I wrote Chapter 15 as soon as I posted Chapter 14, but never got around to publishing :) My bad guys, honestly. If it's any consolation I've written 45,000 words of a completely different story, which I aim to start publishing in the new year. And I swear to have this thing finished over the summer.**

**So yeah, I apologise for the wait of about...oh, 7 months or so :S Anyone who bothers to come back has my most sincere gratitude. Later peeps!**


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